I can picture the scene already. Single Mum Speaks, superstar blogger, waving to the adoring masses from a glittery plinth. Being invited onto the breakfast shows of the commercial television networks and arguing on a sofa with Katie Hopkins whilst Holly Willoughby stands by, doing her Sympathetic Worried Face. They say visualise your goals and you will achieve them. What was that book about the positive mindset? The growth mindset? The Secret? Whatever it was I know it was about not giving up; not throwing in the towel even when you have fourteen page views and that includes those bots that allegedly trawl your site for reasons unknown and probably malicious. I know it was about keeping going even though you’ve been going four years (happy blog-versary to me on January 1st guys!) which is at least three longer than most, and still somehow seem to have missed the boat when it comes to fame and fortune and didn’t the universe get the memo? What was that about asking the universe and the universe will give? I don’t know. I only know that it was probably written in a book by someone who writes all their sentences
on separate lines.
Just like this.
And who repeats the same mantras over and over again about how they too were stuck in a rut.
Things didn’t seem to be working.
Then they discovered the mighty Secret whereby you ask the universe and the universe gives, just as long as you have the positive mindset and can visualise your goals, and write them down, and stick to them. And now they can give the Secret to you too, and all you have to do is hand over a couple of hundred dollars and your soul, and probably stick post-it notes on the bathroom mirror or something, to remind you that you’re Worth It.
Just like you stuck to that resolution you had been making every year since 1995 about finally finding true love this year.
And so this is the year. Not for true love. That one got so old I don’t even know if I want it anymore, and anyway, they say doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the first sign of madness. Or was that talking to yourself? I don’t know. A blog is a bit like talking to yourself. Especially when you only have fourteen page views and most of those are bots.
What do those bots do anyway? Are they the ones that post those comments in the spam folder? The ones that say “I have been reading your blog long time and there have useful information. If you are not famous blogger yet than (sic) you should be!” and kindly offer you a link to a website selling Viagra.
But I am not a famous blogger. Yet. And my sense of entitlement is angry about this. So could 2017 be the year? Could it be the year that I finally step onto that podium and receive my award; “Superstar Blogger,” or failing that “Best writer,” or even just “The Award For Being a Blog Some People Read Sometimes.” Could this be the year I finally get that book deal? Could this be the year I say goodbye to teaching and hello to being one of those internet millionaires who writes all their sentences on separate lines and promises the Secret of instant success?
What do I really aspire to anyway? I really did write down my goals. They are stashed away secretly in the notes section of my phone, never to see the light of day, as if by sharing them someone might steal them away. “Oh yes!” they might say. “I want to win a blog award too!” “I want to grow my Facebook following!” Clearly these things cannot happen if someone else also wants them. To think about the competition is unbearable to me. We are told constantly that we should collaborate and build communities, but still we are all in competition. Competition for those few coveted awards and those few places up there on the Mighty Plinth of Superstar Bloggers. Entry to the star-studded firmament where you will be invited on a Mark Warner holiday and given a car to review. Not that I want a car to review. I can’t drive, but I’ll take the holiday if there’s one going. NOT IN TERM TIME THOUGH. SOME OF US HAVE JOBS. Jobs that are not related to blogging, and which provide a handy excuse for why we are not superstar bloggers yet, even after four years.
But then again, you never know.
2017 could be the year.
I’d better make sure I’m red carpet ready. You know, just in case.