Cannot believe it is now getting on for 2pm and, following an inadvisably large breakfast, I have done literally nothing. Well, nothing except perusal of the internets, searching for such useful advice as “What if I don’t love my baby?” Well, what if I don’t? What if his constant wailing and not sleeping really pisses…
Month: May 2014
On the hunt for a Vivienne Westwood birthing dress
Today I am mostly panicking about: baby positions. That’s right, it turns out that there is an optimum position for Baby to be lying in for the most desirable, Call the Midwife-style, two pushes and they’re out form of childbirth which I am hoping to emulate. And this, despite my jubilation at being told at…
Attempts to Turn Baby Into a Genius: Part One
Following reading an article on the Guardian website about babies’ intellectual development being boosted by their parents talking to them, I have just spent the last ten minutes giving Foetus a running commentary on What I’m Looking At On The Internet. This included reading some articles on things I thought he might be interested in…
Sudden Panic at Actual Realisation that I am about to become Really, Really Poor
AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!! This pretty much sums up how I felt when I saw how much (read: *little*) I am going to get in maternity pay. Seriously, it’s so bad I almost considered having Little One adopted. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? I am literally terrified. Why am I not married? WHY WHY WHY? OK, need…
My Wild Night of Smoking and Drinking
Apparently Katie Price is pregnant with her fifth child. Now despite my concern at the alarming prospect that the world may be being single-handedly repopulated by Katie Price (possibly with help from Kerry Katona), there is some grounds for hope here. After all, Katie Price is older than me. And at my age, anyone older…