The trouble with Christmas is that every Tom, Dick and Harry that you may or may not be related to wants to spread the festive cheer by having their say about your parenting skills. Take yesterday, for example. Mother and I had been out with Piglet, running errands, and on the way home passed the…
Month: December 2014
I Impress the NHS with my Great Knowledge of Medical Matters
Just taken Piglet for his BCG vaccination. I don’t think this was as entertaining for Piglet as it was for me, as he screamed blue murder throughout the experience. However, it was necessary, warned the nurse, as TB is “everywhere.” “Ah,” she said, leafing through Piglet’s red book, “you have just moved here.” “Well, not…
Household Emergency: TV Not Working
How does one overcome this dilemma without making one look as though one is incapable of dealing with electrical malfunction? Last night I made a decision. I decided that I was spending too much time checking the internet on my phone instead of looking after baby, so I decided that from now on I would…
Who is even allowed to use the birth centre?
Just returned from a quick excursion to the toilet to find Piglet slumped in his bouncy chair, hanging off the end. Perhaps the time has come to start strapping him in (what’s that sound? The sound of social services being called at the fact that I have so far failed to do this). Either that…
The Curse of the Mummy Clothes
Not a terribly productive day. Currently procrastinating cleaning the flat and using Piglet’s current slumbers as an excuse. We cannot have him being woken up by the vacuum cleaner after all. In fact, today’s activities consisted of: going downstairs to check my mailbox, baking chocolate cookies and going to the bank. As I am currently…
New Sport of Ostentatious Breastfeeding Makes Wembley Debut
And so for a bit of ostentatious breastfeeding. Well not at the moment. At the moment I am watching X Factor on mute so as not to wake Piglet from his slumbers. Michael Buble is either singing or talking to someone who may or may not be Nelly Furtado. Without the benefit of sound, they both…
DOES THIS CHILD HAVE A PARENT?
It is 9pm and Piglet is asleep in his bouncy chair. I am pretty sure that this is VERY BAD, as apparently babies are not supposed to sleep in their bouncy chairs. Especially without the little seat belt attached to strap them in; the little seatbelt that Piglet has recently discovered and now regularly tries…
And the winner of the Best Dressed Baby Award is….
It sounds like something out of the Smash Hits Poll Winners Party circa 1993, but it’s official, I have the best dressed baby in Wembley. Winner of the Elle Style Awards, Special Commendation from Anna Wintour, Vogue Baby of the Year. Move over Blue Ivy, Prince George and North West. Yes, the play worker at…
Expressing Milk Attempt no. 1: Abject Failure
11pm and Piglet is lying in his co-sleeper, shouting. God knows what the neighbours must think. Frankly I’m amazed I haven’t had a note through the door telling me to keep the noise down, and while we’re at it, social services have been called. In fact, everybody in my building must see a good deal…