Pushed to the Limit By Small Child

There has been many a day when I have returned from work to find my mother slumped on the sofa, a look of exhaustion and despair etched on her face. “It’s been a difficult day,” she would croak, as Piglet played with his cars around her, in front of Abney and Teal, making cute little…

What if You Don’t Have An Amazing Daddy?

There are certain conversations that just don’t go down well in a public forum.  Naturally, once one has children any embarrassment about, for example, shouting “POO!” randomly at frequent intervals seems to dissipate.  Not so, however, with certain other conversations, such as the one I found myself having at swimming today. “Daddy, daddy, daddy!” my son is…

Feminism: The Label We Should Wear With Pride

“Miss,” the boy whispered to me during a Year 9 lesson.  “That Miss Smith,*  she’s a feminist, you know.  She’s always talking about feminism.  And….” (his voice dropped to a whisper) “we think she might be a LESBIAN!” Ah yes, feminism, the word spoken of in hushed tones by teenage boys everywhere.  There was a…

Why Co-Sleeping is Right for Me

As I write, Piglet is asleep next to me while I tap away at the laptop in the blue light that I fear will one day be the new tobacco, slowly killing us all by interfering with our natural rhythms, in our new house, in the king size bed that my mother fears is going to…

Ode to American Apparel

There are no words. I keep hearing the words.  An article here, an article there.  Usually in the Guardian and written by somebody who clearly squeezed themselves into a disco pant on multiple occasions in 2009, even whilst simultaneously hating the brand and all that it stood for, and how in hindsight everything seemed so…

Decorating Piglet’s Room With Arty Apple

You might have heard that I recently moved house. I think everyone has heard about the Terribly Long House Move; the move that has taken half a year or more with all the hanging about waiting for this chain and that chain, and oh-my-God-isn’t-buying-a-house-the-longest-thing-ever.  People I have never spoken to at work keep making enquiries…

Homeowning Dream Turns Into Crack in Ceiling Horror

My mother is livid. “YOU DON’T NEED A KING SIZE BED,” she thunders.  “NO ONE NEEDS A KING SIZED BED!” I calmly point out, quite tactfully I think, that king sized beds might have been considered wildly hedonistic luxuries back in the 1970s, the sort of thing that Rod Stewart might have had in his gold penthouse,…

Twenty Questions I Have Asked Myself Whilst Watching Kids’ TV

Children’s television.  Not a day goes past when I don’t wonder whether I have ruined my beloved child for life by plonking him in front of In The Night Garden at ten weeks old in a futile attempt to persuade him that going to beddy-bye-byes before 11pm was a really good idea. Let’s just say…

Dear Men of Instagram: NO

I thought I had seen it all. I thought I had endured the worst that the dating world had to offer.  I’d been on every dating website going.  I speed dated, I met people through MySpace (remember MySpace!).  Hell,  I even went to one of those hideous “lock and key” parties that were all the…

Will 2017 be the year I finally make it as a superstar blogger?

I can picture the scene already.  Single Mum Speaks, superstar blogger, waving to the adoring masses from a glittery plinth.  Being invited onto the breakfast shows of the commercial television networks and arguing on a sofa with Katie Hopkins whilst Holly Willoughby stands by, doing her Sympathetic Worried Face.  They say visualise your goals and…