There was a time when I would have read anything about Katie Price and lapped it up with a sort of fiendish delight, before launching into a tirade about what a terrible human being she is and how she has set the cause of feminism back two hundred years to the pre-Wollstonecraft days when, you know, we were all dying in childbirth and our status within marriage was, to quote John Stuart Mill, little better than that of slaves.
So it was with a degree of surprise that I read the latest news from the land of
The Artist Formerly Known as Jordan with something approaching complete and utter disinterest.
I mean apparently she, like, PIERCED HER BABY’S EARS! And this must be true because I read it on Twitter, peeps.
There she was, sitting at a table on Loose Women or similar daytime TV programme I never have the liberty of watching, face all contorted in the increasingly bizarre style of one who has been somewhat liberal with the scalpels of Harley Street, pontificating about something or other, probably her latest collection of ghostwritten memoirs documenting the last three months and titled I Had To Go On Loose Women And Plug My New Collection of Children’s Jodphurs Because I Haven’t Been In Heat Magazine For A Few Weeks and People Are Starting To Forget Who I Am, and apparently being called upon to defend her decision to pierce her daughter’s ears.
The daughter is a quarter Spanish apparently, so it’s a cultural thing.
I sat and thought about this for a minute.
Not the fact that apparently being a quarter Spanish is a reason to pierce one’s ears now, which might explain why, with me being a quarter Welsh, my parents took me to the Valleys at the age of eighteen months to surgically attach my head to one of those big daffodil hats,* but the fact that she was piercing the ears of a toddler and calling it “cute.”
What was my opinion on this? I wondered. Was I full of moral outrage at Katie Price and her wanton ear piercing? Was this the slippery slope for poor Katie’s daughter that would lead inevitably to a boob job at four, and Botox at six?
In the past, I had definitely cared about these things. I had been outraged when people pierced their children’s ears, calling it child abuse, and wondering why they couldn’t be decent human beings who reflected my own choices back at me. I was twelve before I was allowed to get mine pierced goddamit, and how dare they allow their children liberties that I was denied?
And cute? Cute? I don’t think it looks very cute. It’s not to my taste, so how dare you attire your child differently to mine! Wanting to make it clear to everyone that your child is female? Well, why don’t I get one of my son’s ears pierced, in the traditionally accepted more masculine style, and get one of those patterns shaved into the back of his hair in the shape of words declaring to passers-by “I’m a boy!”
However, all I could feel today, sat there in front of Twitter and Katie Price’s Botoxed face, was complete and utter disinterest. I literally could not care less about whether or not she pierced her daughter’s ears. I wouldn’t do it myself. I don’t think it’s cute, but neither is it any of my business.**
I must admit, she did have a point when she said (as she apparently did, from what I’ve read on Twitter. Never let it be said that I don’t rigorously check all my sources and use only trusted pieces of information, gleaned from weeks of meticulous research) that Gisele didn’t get any flak for piercing her children’s ears. Now admittedly, I have no idea whether Gisele has indeed pierced her children’s ears, let alone whether anyone bothered criticising her for it, but I have heard from trustworthy news sources such as Mail Online that Gisele is regularly seen “clean eating,” talking about how great her births were, and practising yoga on the beach, all of which are arguably just as offensive, and no, she doesn’t get the flak that Katie does, even though she too, in her own slightly less irritating (although that is a matter of opinion) way has lived her life on camera, albeit the soft-focus lens of overblown perfume adverts, rather than the relentless glare of the gutter press.
So why do we all love to hate Katie, and criticise all her parenting choices, no matter how normal they are? Is it because she is genuinely the fore-horsewoman of the apocalypse***, or is it because we love to tear other women down for making choices that are different to ours?
I am no Katie Price in my parenting choices, nor am I a fan of hers, but on this occasion, can I really be bothered to criticise her?
**That said, it also isn’t any of my business that she once stuck a vodka bottle up Alex Reid’s posterior, but unfortunately my senses were still assailed with this information all over the internets. CHEERS KATIE.
***I wouldn’t put it past her, especially with her equestrian interests.