So, you want to be a writer?

I have become obsessed with my blog stats.

And they are not improving.

At the end of last year-New Year’s Eve, to be precise-I was Mumsnet’s blog of the day.  That’s it, I thought, I’m on the up now.  EVERYONE will know my work and I will be universally feted.  I will be a single mother made good, my life as full time teacher and part time mother of coffee shop nuisance will be transformed, and I will be able to devote all of my time to being a freelance writer, tapping at my Macbook whilst sipping my coffee in my own personal office in my beautiful period home in the countryside (possibly eighteenth century, possibly art deco, or maybe I’d even go as far as the 1960s if the location was right.  The big windows bring such wonderful light to a property).  My child will be with me all the time, perfectly behaved of course, no need for childcare.  Or perhaps I could just employ Granny on a full time basis and she could live in, rather than relying on her to house me as though I’m an errant teenager.  I would basically be JK Rowling.  The big studios would be vying for the rights to the film version of my blog, and who would I choose to direct it?  Sam Taylor-Johnson is such an inspiration-I hope I too have a husband twenty years my junior when I’m her age-but then Angelina is interested too, and I so admire her work with the UN.  But then don’t you think she’s a bit too serious and maybe a bit depressing?  This blog is no In The Land of Blood and Honey.  Maybe we should keep it lighthearted?  How about Richard Curtis?  Too saccharine?

And what of the book deal?  Penguin would be interested, of course.  They do like the classics.  But it would have to be Virago, surely?  Look at the work they have done with championing women’s writing.  But then are they still going or did they pack up in the 1970s?

Well reader (if you’re out there, that is) I’ll let you into a secret.

It hasn’t happened.  None of it.

Sam, Richard and Angelina are not hammering at my door (correction: my mother’s door.  I’m still living in her house) weighted down with film contracts.  The only potentially lucrative phone calls are from call centres asking about mis-sold PPI or accidents I’ve never even had.  The stats have virtually flatlined.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

And so, dear reader (IS THERE ANYBODY OUT THERE?) I will continue to try and try and try again, and keep reminding myself of all the times that Harry Potter was rejected.  And maybe, just maybe, eventually, somebody will read this blog.

And when the lights go out…..the blogging starts
My Kid Doesn't Poop Rainbows
And then the fun began...

53 Comments Add yours

  1. I read every post faithfully and laugh until tea runs down my face.

    1. Min says:

      Yay! Thank you. x

  2. Pen says:

    I read and thoroughly enjoy your blog. If it makes you feel any better I realised that no one was really reading mine either so I stopped looking at the stats.

    1. Min says:

      Thanks. I read yours too! Yes you’re right, I need to stop obsessing over the stats. xx

  3. Reader here. Keep at it x

  4. Definitely reading, but only just found you so playing catch up!! Keep writing please! I feel much the same with my blog and am now investigating what I want it to become (if anything) and steps I need to take to get there (wherever that might be) so I’ll see you at the Bloomsbury Publishing house in a couple of months then ? Xx

    1. Min says:

      We’ll meet in the lobby and have a glass of champagne whilst collecting our book advances and preparing for our meetings with MGM studios! Thank for reading. x

      1. oh yes ladies I’ll meet you there for that champagne too

  5. Emma says:

    You have to keep it up because you clearly have a talent for writing!! Ignore the stats and carry on writing I say. Who knows what is round the corner 🙂 #fartglitter

    1. Min says:

      Thank you. I keep telling myself the same thing-you just never know, and if I give up, I’ll know I definitely won’t be getting anywhere. Thanks for commenting.

  6. Shoeboxofm says:

    Stats schmats. It’s the quality that counts and even from this one post you have plenty!

    I know the ‘Mumsnet’ effect too, you have the visions of glittering palaces paid for with the golden words that trip from your fingers across the keyboard only to find…well, what you found.

    I do keep an eye on stats but it’s more the comments that count to me. The comments that show that the post has been read and understood and that it has struck a chord or made someone feel less alone or inspired them to take action.

    My blog is not the sort of thing that will command huge page views, the people that find it and read it will largely do so because we have something in common and that’s not by choice.

    1. Min says:

      That’s true. I’m sure your blog really helps others in the same situation, and that in itself makes it valuable.

  7. whineorwine says:

    Keep going, keep writing and you never know!!!! I defo like the idea of employing Granny full time!! xxx

    1. Min says:

      I would love it. Not sure she’d agree to it though! x

  8. Please don’t give up. I love reading your blog. Keep at it. You do have that X-Factor in the writing world. Don’t forget that. xx #mg

  9. It can be hard when you see some (honestly not so great blogs) getting loads of attention, but we always have to go back to why we do it, we love it, we love writing, we are writers. Yes maybe undiscovered and yes maybe unpublished (other than we we publish our posts), but we were born to write so we do it and we will continue to do it. You have probably heard my quote before but I say “writing for me is like breathing fresh air, I need it to survive”, this always takes me back to why I write. Plus I love that my children see me following my dreams, even if my stats are never AMAZING, I know I am teaching them to follow their dreams.

    1. Min says:

      That’s very true about teaching your children to follow their dreams. I hadn’t thought of it that way, but I know I need to keep doing it, because I enjoy it and because if I didn’t I would feel as though I wasn’t doing what I want to do.

  10. Shoeboxofm says:

    I left a comment but it vanished!

    Anyway…stats schmats, I feel your pain of the frustrated promise of Mumsnet delivered glory. I’m looking less at views and more at the comments! It’s quality not quantity and from this post alone you have plenty!


    1. Min says:

      Thank you. You’re right. Your other comment is here, by the way! It has arrived 🙂

  11. This is my life. Almost all circumstances the same! Autism Awareness shared a post and nearly 6000 people read it in an hour. Then, today, blog stats read like 48 :/

    I have very much enjoyed everything I have read of yours. Let’s both keep plugging at it. You never know 🙂 x

    1. Min says:

      Yep, ditto! Thank you for reading. I know there are some people out there reading, and they’re enjoying it, so I must be doing something right 🙂

  12. Mmt says:

    I always think talking stats is like talking about salaries… We are all watching them go up or down, we all want a rise, but no one knows what anyone else is getting. We are too polite to ask and too modest to share.

    Anyway, high five to your blog… It is loved by me for one. From the looks of the comments I’m not alone 🙂

    1. Min says:

      That’s a very good analogy. I think of it that way too. Thank you for reading-I do appreciate it! x

  13. Thinking Forward says:

    Well I read your posts and….(whispers) I’m not another blogger!!! I enjoy the art you and others put out there with full awareness that as much as I hold my own in witty one liners….I could never write as well as you. Keep at me. Keep me entertained and when you’re published ill read that as well ?

    1. Min says:

      Thank you, that’s very kind of you! 🙂 xx

  14. Yes, stats are mean. I’ve stopped looking since I went self hosted. They never made me happy. I enjoy reading your blog though 🙂


    1. Min says:

      Thank you! 🙂

  15. Tori says:

    OMG I have become obsessive on stats! My new year’s resolution to cut down on phone time lasted less than one day. Blogging is hard. But look how many comments you have! People love you! You are doing great work, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Just what I needed, thanks.

  16. I’m reading and loving it! Stats are horrible but so addictive. I have even looked up someone else’s DA or Klout score and then that really depresses me! So best not to look and just write what you love #abitofeverything

    1. Min says:

      I don’t think I even have a Klout score! You’re totally right. I’m just going to carry on writing what I want and hope people read it. Thanks for commenting.

  17. I enjoy reading your blog! So keep writing please! I have had enough rejection from publishers and lit agents to last me a lifetime and I tell myself the JK Rowling story too. 🙂 But you know what? I am beginning to realise and enjoy the community we have around us. That’s what makes it all worthwhile. Thanks for sharing with #abitofeverything

    1. Min says:

      That’s very true. Thank you for commenting, and I hope you find your publisher. Your writing is amazing. x

  18. Meg says:

    Just found your blog and already love it! Going to spend a happy evening reading now. This post really made me laugh, thank you. I was featured on Mumsnet Bloggers Network this week and had a similar ‘Oh my gosh, I’ve made it!’ moment where my imagination ran away with me. Back to normality today 😉 keep writing! x

    1. Min says:

      Thank you! Yes, the Mumsnet thing is so funny. You feel as though all of a sudden the entire world knows who you are and half of them are trolling you on Twitter…..and then it all dies down again and gets completely back to normal. I will go and check out your blog (I have probably already seen it on Mumsnet!) Thanks for commenting. x

  19. I’m here! You’re a great writer, please don’t lose heart. Gosh this writing thing is hard and demoralising and everything else in between. My blog stats haven’t changed in the last 3 years and to be honest, unless I do something drastically different, they aren’t going to. I’m not prepared to put them time in and you have to if you want to improve them. Step away from the blog stats!

    1. Min says:

      Good advice, and thank you! xx

  20. Well, I have only just happened across your blog and so I hope this sends your stats in an upwards tizzy! I too am a single mummy (wannabe) blogger (3 weeks in!) and I am far behind your stats so know you are inspiring newbies like me. I will definitely swing by again x #truthabout

    1. Min says:

      Thank you! That’s lovely to hear, and best of luck with your blog. I will pop by and have a look. x

  21. Sam says:

    I’m pretty sure you have a few loyal readers built up! I’ve certainly never had anything published on Mumsnet – I like to tell myself it’s just because I’ve been too lazy to push anything their way but one day… I love your fantasy about becoming a proper, paid writer. I always dream about waking up as the next JK Rowling too – guess I’d better go and start writing an epic seven volume classic on cafe napkins then, hadn’t I?! Thanks for linking to #thetruthabout again Min 🙂

    1. Min says:

      I do have a few, which is lovely. Yes, I need to get writing my novel too! x

  22. Kate Holmes says:

    I am now reading and I love the truth of this post and can empathise so much. I only started blogging as a means of ensuring I wrote encouraged by my late Mum. I had no idea about blogging tech, blogging networks, blogging events etc and it is easy to get sucked into all that. If you want to be a writer, you are already and also there are other ways of writing that just blogging. Perhaps you will get that fancy pants house but through a different writing route

    1. Min says:

      That’s an interesting point. It is very easy to get sucked into the whole blogging world and, though I love the fact that there are other parent bloggers whose blogs I enjoy reading and who I would love to get to know better, there are some parts of it that are just not my thing, like the whole idea of being an influencer and making money through sponsored posts, etc, which is not me at all. I definitely need to look at other outlets for my writing as well. Thanks for commenting.

  23. I just stumbled in during this fantastic linky, and I am very pleased to meet you, and your work. I have similar fantasies, and I’m relatively new at this. Let’s keep dreaming, and reading, and writing…and believing. Thanks for the great read!

    1. Min says:

      Yes, we have to keep going. Thanks for commenting!

  24. laura dove says:

    Ahh I don’t read my stats either, to be honest I am still relatively new to this and didn’t really realise the importance of stats until someone asked me about them! I write because I love to write, maybe if I wanted to start earning money from my blog I would become more interested in my stats, but for now I write because it makes me happy and actually I would call myself a writer much more than I would a blogger? #fabfridaypost

    1. Min says:

      Yes, I definitely feel more of a writer than a blogger as well. Your blog is fab. It comes across that you love to write. Thanks for commenting.

  25. I know this is an ‘old’ post but just wanted to add my tuppence worth (sorry, been singing Mary Poppins to NG this evening). You are a BRILLIANT writer. Do you hear me? And stats are shit. Seriously. I never look at them. Keep. Writing. Please. x

    1. Min says:

      Thank you, that’s a lovely thing to say! And please feel free to comment on any post that crops up, old or not!

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