Ten Reasons Why I Might Be a Failed Blogger

So at the weekend I went to Mumsnet Blogfest.  I am planning to write about this at some point, but for now, let’s just say I am having a slight problem with the photography.

This is just one reason why I am failing at blogging (and life, but I wrote about that here).

No, I am not a photographer.  I am not one of those people who just casually walks around, SLR (is that what it’s called?  You know what I mean, the big camera thingys that used to be the ridiculed preserve of Japanese tourists on pan-European coach tours, but which since the advent of the Internets have suddenly become the hipster accessory du jour) in hand, snapping at random objects in an artful manner.

I have also failed to take lessons from Buzzfeed, which is why I have not numbered this post, despite it being headlined “ten things…”  It probably won’t even BE ten things.  Then again, Buzzfeed is not to be trusted, having recently posted something about the “greatness” of Love Actually, which is a film that I used to sort of like but could never quite work out why I felt slightly uncomfortable about it, until I read this piece of brilliance and realised why I was creeped out by the Keira Knightley storyline that was supposed to be sweet, but was basically a story of stalking and harassment dressed up in a friendly Andrew Lincoln-from-Teachers shape; and the storyline about Colin Firth getting a bit obsessed with someone who couldn’t speak a word of English, which says volumes about the fact that women in our society are considered far more attractive when they don’t talk.

Then there is the fact that I have no idea what is meant by such technical jargon as “SEO,” “nofollow links” (I don’t think I want one of those.  They sound bad), and it took me about two years to work out how to resize a photo so that the occasional snapshot that does make it onto the blog-usually a view of the back of someone’s head-isn’t ridiculously tiny.

Oh, and I’m not all about the positivity beloved of so many parent bloggers.  Have you read any of my posts recently?

Oh no, you haven’t because you haven’t a clue who I am.  There was me, at Blogfest, running up to people and telling them I recognised them from Twitter, or, more frequently, just looking at them from afar with a sort of creepy admiration, wondering how they managed to have so many “blogger friends” when I was hanging around wondering if it might be time to give up and go and have a conversation with my own reflection in the mirror, and ABSOLUTELY NO ONE knew who I was.  Not. A. Single. One.  After all, I don’t have any photographs of myself on the blog, so how would they know?  Deduce from the appearance of Piglet that I look vaguely like him and therefore must be his kin?

I’m not very good at the, er, self-promotion.

You won’t find me on Pinterest, because I don’t have any decent photos on the blog.  You won’t find me on LinkedIn, because isn’t that something boring for business people?  You won’t find me on Periscope, because I don’t know what that is, and it sounds like it might be submarine-related.  On a completely unrelated note, the last time I went on a submarine (in 1994, which sounds like a long time ago, but bear in mind that even back then in Ye Olden Nineties, women did have the vote and some of them even had jobs) I asked what I thought was a pertinent question about why women were not allowed to work on submarines, and was told that the answer was because we would all synchronise our periods and have PMT at the same time, and that if that was to happen, with all the nuclear warheads on board, the only logical outcome would be that we would be a danger to national security, international stability, and indeed the continued existence of the entire human race.  BECAUSE NO MAN EVER STARTED A WAR EVER.  All those pesky women, going around causing international incidents.  I mean, look at Boudicca!

That is why I don’t like the sound of this Periscope.

So yes, ladies and gentlemen (mostly ladies.  I don’t think any men read this blog, although I will be happy to be proved wrong) I am a Bad Blogger.  I don’t even post pictures of my Mum-style Breton tops or the paleo diet kale and courgettini superfood smoothies I drink every day.  Forgive me, O blogging brethren.

Mummuddlingthrough
Life with Baby Kicks
A Cornish Mum
New Mummy Blog

48 Comments Add yours

  1. MMT says:

    Ha ha, oh dear was it that bad? Please tell me you befriended a Breton top mum and hit the bar together… Eight jaegerbombs later now BFFs? As a no selfies blogger myself, I have pondered how a conference might go down. Of course we recognise the people we feel like we know… But so do their other 60,000 followers…. Think I’d just have to rock the ray bans and hope people got the subtle link… Xxx

    1. Min says:

      No, it wasn’t bad at all, and I did meet some other people. I think a lot of people cheated and went with people they already knew (or so I keep telling myself…) And once the drinks came out I found I was strangely more sociable. Funny that!

      1. MMT says:

        That’s a relief… Look forward to hearing a bit more about what went down 😉 Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub

  2. Habiba says:

    Ok I can relate to a LOT of this: 1) I own an SLR too, but do absolutely no more than point and shoot, which my friends tell me is a “crime” when you own a gadget that can do all these fancy things. But even when I’m pointing and shooting, the lighting is not right. Or something else. gah. 2) I wrote a piece once (8 Things Noone Tells You About Having a Csection) only for someone to kindly let me know I only had 7 things listed. Um… oops. 3) I didn’t even go to Blogfest because I just couldn’t face the trying-to-explain-who-I-am thing, so WELL DONE YOU!!!

    1. Min says:

      Thanks! That’s funny about the SLR. I bet pointing and shooting with that thing still gives you a better picture than a rubbish old camera phone though (at least, I would hope so)>

  3. Anita Cleare says:

    You are not alone. Networking is an art form I certainly haven’t mastered (and don’t get me started about all the bluffing rules I break!). Chin up chuck, you are doing great 🙂 #coolmumclub

    1. Min says:

      Thank you. I think I need to up my game before the next conference-get some business cards printed or something!

  4. Rebecca says:

    I’m surprised we didn’t bump into one another whilst having conversations with ourselves in the bathroom mirror! I found it pretty overwhelming there, but I did love the speakers. I have a photo of myself on my blog, but it’s about 5 years old and now I’m a lot more.. puffy.. :-/

    1. Min says:

      Ah sounds like you were the same as me! Yes, I loved the speakers too. Such an impressive line-up. Maybe see you at the next one!

  5. Pen says:

    I didn’t go to blog fest because I am anonymous, an enigma, a no one, a shadow and I suspect I have fewer readers than you. Maybe I’ll see you there next year. I’ll be the one standing next to you also talking to yourself in the mirror. I will subtly hold a pen in my hand to identify myself as ‘pen’ from the single swan … And of course to distinguish myself from all of the other bloggers who hmmm who might also be holding pens. I quite like the anonymity of the failed blogger territory – it is where all the best writers are. X

    1. Min says:

      Funnily enough, I did wonder if you were there too, as I wouldn’t have known. You are definitely an enigma-and it makes you and your blog more intriguing! I agree about the best writers as well-they usually aren’t the ones with pictures of themselves everywhere!

  6. Talya says:

    Hahah it’s ok come to Britmums and we can hang out and be clueless together. Anyway very brave to go on your tod I haven’t been to one of those things yet but must be so overwhelming but going to pop my cherry next year. Hopefully MMT is up for it too! Remember, all is not as it seems behind closed blog doors and as far as I’m concerned, telling it how it is is the most important thing, which you do. Hugs and thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub xx

    1. Min says:

      I will! I keep hearing about this Britmums malarkey. In fact, there were a few people at Blogfest who had been to Britmums and it was quite useful to hear about the comparison. Thanks for commenting!

  7. laura dove says:

    I often feel the same, that I have failed a bit at all of the things that bloggers seem to be very good at. I hate all of the “other” side to blogging, the self promotion and the advertisting, etc. I just want to write and if that doesn’t make me a successful blogger then I think I will take that on the chin and keep doing what I love. Just do what makes you happy, I think that’s the main thing! #coolmumclub

    1. Min says:

      I totally agree. It’s about the writing for me. I know for other people they may have different motivations-working with brands, or documenting their family lives with photos-but I also hate the advertising and self-promotion. It just doesn’t come naturally to me, unfortunately.

  8. Gemma Pearce says:

    I must definitely be a failed blogger then because I echo everything youve said and i have no regular readers lol. I take crap iphone photos and I wouldnt DARE go to a blogging thing id be too scared!

    1. Min says:

      Come to a blogging event with me and we can be scared together, haha!

  9. Lol great post and blogging is about great content and that was a fab post 🙂 I met up with a couple of people beforehand so that made things easier, otherwise I think I would have been seriously intimidated walking into the conference.

    1. Min says:

      Thank you! That makes me feel a bit better. I suspected that other people hadn’t come alone, otherwise I would have been in a room of scary award-winning networkers.

  10. Thinking Forward says:

    Hah….Love this. Submarine….true story!?!?! Who’d have believed it….funny how so many women work in hospitals and no one is overdosed by drug wielding nurses! Thank you for not being on positivity patrol and allowing sarcasm to humour my evenings whilst savouring my wine in the 40 Mins I have after both kids are asleep and I have to go to bed just to cope with the number of times my 8 mth old gets me up at night. Blog fests sound great…We can read all about it on mums net (or other huge parenthood websites)…can you please just keep on keeping it real?! (Bad 90’s street talk). Also arrgghhh re Love Actually. Loved it until I read this….was blinded by music and Christmas and lots of different love to see the true subtle messages once again secretly telling society to dumb us down and shut us up!!! Ok getting political….going to squeeze in more wine!

    1. Min says:

      Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it! I will indeed Keep It Real. I liked Love Actually too, until I read that post, and now it makes me feel a bit dirty that I ever liked it, as though the Mean Old Patriarchy got one over on me.

  11. Ah but Min, you still made it to a conference. And failed blogger or not….you make me laugh every post 🙂

  12. Kate Reed says:

    This made me laugh – I’ve just found you via Stevie Couch’s #TenThings linky. I’m relatively new to blogging (Sept 2015) and still have very limited clue as to what all of these things mean! I’m learning. Slowly.

    1. Min says:

      Oh me too. I’ve been blogging on and off since 2008 and it has been a very gradual learning curve. I don’t understand how some people manage to have thousands of readers within a few short months. They must have some kind of magic wand-or a very good PR agency!

  13. Six years of blogging and I’m still vaguely anonymous (by choice), I’ve never been to a blogging conference, and I don’t own an SLR thingy: just a mobile phone 🙂 It looks to me like you’re doing fine!

    1. Min says:

      Thanks! I have been tentatively trying to add more photos. We’ll see how it goes!

  14. Ha,I’m a rubbish blogger too!Sometimes I love it and write and promote a lot and other times I confess I totally can’t be arsed!!I don’t own a camera it’s all done on my phone.I’ve not been to any of the blogging meet thingies because I’d feel out of place! #tenthings

    1. Min says:

      Same here-at the moment it’s not so much lack of inclination as lack of time. I’ve been lucky enough to have a few weeks off to focus on it a bit more over Christmas, but I work full time and frequently have work to do in the evenings too so sometimes I feel as though it’s a choice between blogging and actually spending some real time with my real life child. I guess everyone feels that way though!

  15. Becster says:

    Ahh I can identify with so many things in this post! The photography and camera thing definietly – I’m an iphone girl!#TenThings

    1. Min says:

      Me too-anything else is just too hefty to carry around!

  16. Firstly I can’t click through to the info about Love Actually…I just can’t I love that film so will stay in ignorant bliss 😉 I don’t go to nay of the big blog events as being in Cornwall, they are all hours and hours and hours in travel away.

    I do quite like stripy tops but don’t hold that against me ha! Also with the events a lot of people put a ‘shout out’ in the facebook blogging groups to find people to meet up with before hand, although obviously some will know each other from previous events and online.

    You aren’t a failed or rubbish blogger, it depends really on what you want from blogging as to how ‘successful’ you are in my opinion.
    Thanks for linking up to #TenThings and happy new year!

    Stevie x

    1. Min says:

      Good idea not to click on the link if you don’t want the film ruined for you. I will never be able to watch it the same way again.

      I guessed that many people at blogging events probably met up beforehand so they didn’t go alone. Thanks for commenting and happy new year!

  17. Rachel says:

    Great post, made me feel a bit better to be honest 😉 I haven’t even been brave enough to attend one of those events yet so you have got further than me! Happy New Year! #tenthings xx

    1. Min says:

      Thanks, and happy new year! x

  18. I’m debating BritMums this year but a bit scared for this exact reason!! I always wonder how the hell everyone has so many followers unless they’re selling their souls in someway! Fancy going along and being crap bloggers together?? (You’re not at all though! I cant stand the ‘my life is wonderful and perfect all the bloody time’ bloggers so I thing we’d get along marvellously!!)

    1. Min says:

      Haha, I have thought about Britmums, but as it’s overnight and I’m still breastfeeding I’m not sure if it’ll be a possibility. I keep hearing about people getting “sponsorship” to go, which I have to admit completely baffles me. Personally, I thought I might try and get sponsorship from Nike. You know, like Lionel Messi or Serena Williams or someone. I reckon I’d be a perfect fit for the brand. You could try Adidas. Let’s make it a date.

  19. This is what terrifies me of going to a conference, oh along with the fact that I think I’m a newbie and I’d be WAY out of my league…. in saying that, I’ve had a few conversations with a few bloggers recently, and am now feeling left out. Ooooops, I might have to go to Britmums, I just need to figure out how to get to London and back in a day. And, have the same issue as you, no photos of me on the blog (and no straight shots of H either)….
    Thanks for sharing, and you’re definitely not a failed blogger, that was so brave going yourself!! #TheBabyFormula

    1. Min says:

      Thanks! I’ve still not booked for Britmums, but am thinking of going. We can be incognito together.

  20. This made me laugh! Although I’m very angry about the Submarine thing, is this for real? God that was in the 90’s too, when men and women were apparently considered equal. Anywaaayyyy, blow past it Meagan….

    Blogging, by definition, is writing about what you love. So, in my book, you are an excellent blogger. Fuck everything else.

    1. Min says:

      Thank you! It is, unfortunately, and because I was only 14, I just took his word for it and didn’t argue back, even though it struck me even then as a very silly thing to say. I couldn’t think of a single instance of a woman starting a war, except maybe Boudicca, and she was provoked to say the least!

  21. Hannah says:

    This post was like a breath of fresh air.. Much like yourself I’ve dipped my toes in and out..can never really decide if I can hack it or not. I’ll blog a few times..then nothing for well.. A year maybe haha. Just a short break. Am determined to try and be a little more consistent this year so am going to keep my head in and maybe ask to tag along to one of these things one day! See what it’s all about! It sounds like you had a good day though, I can imagine it was a bit overwhelming?

    I think your blog is awesome though! *could I sound lamer?!* xx

    1. Min says:

      Thank you! Yes, come to a blogging conference. They are fab, and it will inspire you in trying to be more consistent, I’m sure.

  22. I loved this post – it made me laugh out loud! I’ve been wondering about heading along to a conference but I’m afraid I’ll be the one hiding behind any large plant just to be invisible so I don’t have to worry about how friendless I am!! it absolutely terrifies me!!

    1. Min says:

      You will be fine. I didn’t know anyone when I went to my first conference, but you soon get chatting to people!

  23. Alison says:

    I was at Blogfest totally anonymous and I stood and watched everyone chatting around me and felt very lonely. I told myself that I should have been more proactive and organised to meet up with people, but part of me had wanted to be anonymous – it just made it a lot harder. Like you, I’m not good at self-promotion – although Prabs from Absolutely Prabulous told me once: big yourself up because no one will do it for you! I love your writing as it’s always so simplistically honest. We sound as if we sing from the same hymn sheet – perhaps next time we should meet at the station! Alison x

    1. Min says:

      I think we should! Thank you and yes Prabs is right. Self-promotion doesn’t come naturally to me at all, but I definitely need to get better at it.

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