I am fine. I am totally, totally fine.
Now, I realise that by saying that I sound like I am actually not fine, and am merely trying to convince myself of it, and that I am probably sitting in a rapidly cooling bath right now with mascara streaming down my face, hugging my knees and cradling an enormous glass of straight vodka, but it is true. I am fine.
The reason I feel the need to say this is because I am a single parent. We are not supposed to be fine. We are supposed to be bitter, twisted and skint, loathing our exes and slating them on social media for the rascals that they are, and how they never see their kids and how they may as well just be a sperm doner. Yes, doner. Like the kebab. That always seems to be the standard spelling in such rants.
There are times, I admit, when I am not fine. Like today, for example. Instead of feeling elated at the end of a long week at work, I was merely feeling ambivalent, thinking about all the work I need to do over the weekend, and how I will barely get to spend any time with Piglet, and how he has probably forgotten me. Did I tell you that the other day when I picked him up from nursery for the first time ever, he just stood there and looked at me as if to say, where’s my real mummy? You know, the one I call GRANNY. What are you doing here? Who are you anyway?
Today I changed his nappy, and realised that I hadn’t done it in so long I had actually forgotten what his poo looks like (because other people, i.e. my mother, have been changing it. He hasn’t been wearing the same nappy for the past week. Things are bad, but they aren’t that bad).
“A blueberry poo!” I cried happily as I peeled his nappy off, gleefully singing my favourite made-up song ever, the melodic self-penned hymn to infant fecal matter known as What You Got For Mummy In That Nap-Nap, before realising that I didn’t even know if he had eaten any blueberries, because I WAS NOT THERE. I was at work again, like I am all day, every day, instead of at home stimulating his intellectual development, feeding him delicious home-cooked meals with vegetables grown in my own backyard and inspecting his poo like a proper mother, and this is the price I pay for being a feckless single mother and shoulder-padded career woman who Almost Left It Too Late.
But then I remember that it isn’t all bad.
OK so I am a single 35 year old woman living in my mother’s house, sleeping in a bed with a duvet cover the like of which has not been seen since 1982, in a bedroom which still has stick-on glow in the dark stars on the walls, but I am happy. I am happy because I have my little Piglet, and no amount of Jeffrey Campbell shoes or vintage dresses or carefree nights out from my former life as a girl about town and general person who didn’t live with her mother in the house she grew up in, in the bedroom she last shared with her brother in 1985, can compare.
Oh God I sound really soppy. Argh. Hopefully the gratuitous shoe-porn above will make up for my shambolic ramblings. I mean, they ARE fabulous, aren’t they? Even if I can’t wear them any more due to my new life as an Olympic sprinter chasing after a wandering toddler.
25 Comments Add yours
I am glad you are okay. It is a great realisation to have. There is not one way to live a life and I think it is so strange that people suggest there is. There is not one way to raise a child either. Great post. Thanks for sharing. kirsten
Great post I’m sure you are doing s great job must be tough as a single parent thanks for linking to the #binkylinky
Thank you. Thanks for hosting!
This post made me smile 🙂 You are right, nothing really compares with the wonders of having a child of your own, it is just about the best thing ever. And wow, those are some serious sparklers over there! #binkylinky
It’s sounds like you’re doing a great job and those shoes – wowza! I don’t think I’d be able to walk in them! Thanks for linking up to the #BinkyLinky
Thanks for commenting!
Hilariously heartwarming as always Min. You did sound slightly hysterical in that opening line, and I worried a little at first, but I laughed a sigh of relief in paragraph 2.
Being a Mum is the nuts, whatever I say at times, it’s the ‘place to be’ every day of the week, even Friday nights.
So chuffed you linked up to #coolmumclub THANK YOU! x MMT
It is indeed 🙂 Ha, I didn’t mean to sound like a fruitloop. I just read so many articles and posts that make being a single mum sound sad and lonely, and it hasn’t been that way for me. I am lucky though as I have a lot of support from my wonderful family. And although living with my mother in the house I grew up in at the age of 35 isn’t the way I imagined my life to pan out, I have to say I couldn’t be happier. Hope the linky went well and thank you for commenting! x
Haha, fabulous post. And, of course fabulous shoes! There was never, ever a time in my life when I’d have worn those 🙂 Very happy in my flip flops, thank you x
I literally have a wardrobe full of shoes like those, and sadly they are just ornaments these days. Thank you for commenting!
Kudos to you for writing about a topic that I am sure isn’t an easy one to write about. And those shoes! I have heels buried in my closet as well that I will never wear again but by keeping them it somehow helps me keep the good memories surrounding them. Thanks so much for linking up with #momsterslink.
Thank you for commenting!
I’ve been both a married mother and a single mother, and I’ll take single any day. I’m sorry that you feel like work keeps you away from your little one. I take the perspective that I’m fulfilled intellectually at work, which allows me to give to my children when I’m with them and not burden them with giving me stimulation. Thanks for linking with #TwinklyTuesday.
That is very true. I know I would be frustrated if I didn’t work, and I do enjoy the time I spend with Piglet so much because it’s limited.
He is beautiful, your Piglet! And this time shall pass, you will have conquered it and it will be just a memory. But you and Piglet will be together forever. Happily. The shoes are pretty great, but I think you are much more beautiful inside and you don’t need all the extra added sparkle. Just keep shining! You got this!
What a lovely comment. Thank you!
What can I say? You have own me over with those sparkling shoes! It’s not all bad. Glad you can find your twinkle stars upon your ceiling a delight. Hope you’ll now get to spend the weekend with your little Piglet. Have a lovely weekend. Thank you again for linking up with me. xx #FabFridayPost
Thank you. I am looking forward to spending the weekend with him, although it appears he is ill again, argh! Nursery is like a cesspit of disease and decay.
I’m very glad to have found this post, and your blog. As a very newly single mother, 34 years old and currently staying in my childhood bedroom in the house I grew up in, with my little babe in a travel cot next to me, it was great to read. I’m going to be fine too. xx
I TOTALLY FEEL YOUR PAIN! I’m lucky enough not to have a pesky ex partner/father of child to have to deal with, but I am so in the same boat with the living with mother thing. To be honest, things could be a lot worse. I’m starting to worry how I’ll ever cope again without her now, as it does mean I get a bit of time to myself because she is happy to look after Piglet.