If there is one picture that sums up my experience with blogging conferences so far, let it be this one.
That’s what blogging conferences are for, right? An opportunity to revisit one’s pre-motherhood wardrobe, designer stilts included. After all, there be no baby in the vicinity.
If you are looking for tips on attending a blogging conference, you will find none here. I am the woman who wore these shoes to Mumsnet Blogfest in November, and almost lost the will to live by the time I got to the long trudge home. Note to self: smuggle a pair of flats into the goody bag next time. Also, this picture was taken at 6am. SIX O CLOCK IN THE MORNING PEOPLE, and I was already at the train station, waiting to board a train. It was inhuman.
That’s why this time I’m staying the night.
So, without further ado, after a lengthy preamble, I present to you the long-awaited Single Mum Speaks “I am going to Britmums and this is what I will look like” post.
My name: Min, ancient Egyptian god of fertility and lettuce.
Two things here. Firstly, you do not want to know the story of how I came about this name, as it is very long and tedious, but let’s just say I was a girl in search of a pseudonym, and I wanted something fertility-related. Lettuce was just a bonus. You can say what you want about those ancient Egyptians, but they knew how to make a good salad. Secondly, this is not my real name. My real name is top-secret classified information that I may reveal if I happen to meet you at Britmums, but then I will have to kill you.*
My blog: This one, obvs. Single Mum Speaks. I would say it’s the “ramblings of a mum, addicted to cake,” but although this would be true, it would also be painfully unoriginal, so I’ll stick with the official tagline: Single mother by choice, aged 35 and back living with my mother and sleeping in the bedroom I last shared with my brother in 1985.
Find me on social media at:
Twitter @babyorbankrupt (long story about the name again, sorry for the confusion)
Also I’m apparently on Pinterest but like, facepalm. This is what I’m going to Britmums for, right? The Numpties’ Guide to Pinterest? Please tell me this is one of the sessions.
How I look: I have recently had my hair cut off, which means nothing to any of you as you’ve never met me. I’m also very small.
Is this my first blogging event: No. Please see above. I was also at Mumsnet Blogfest, and Funfest last year as well, but not been to Britmums before.
I will be wearing: I will not be divulging this information, mainly because I haven’t decided yet. Hopefully something clean.
What I hope to gain from #BML16: The ability to pepper my speech liberally with hashtags, overnight fame as an internet sensation, a book deal, a decent sized helping of cake, a lengthy stay in the champagne tent and of course the opportunity to meet the #tribe, including the fabulous Mumzilla, Island Living 365, Justsayingmum, Katie Tutu and Occupation Mother, all of whom I will be referring to by their online pseudonyms throughout.
My tips for a great conference: Wear pink and black polka dot fur, don’t engage in any vlogging if you don’t want the results to haunt you forever, smile and enjoy yourself.
*This is obviously a lie. I will not be revealing my name.