This weekend I was a bit depressed. Piglet was ill, we couldn’t go swimming, and although I was briefly delighted about this as it meant I wouldn’t have to get up at 7am and sit on some godforsaken bus for half an hour, my dreams of a cosy lie-in remained just that, as Piglet was up and pointing at the bedroom door by 7am. Our only venture into the outside world ended in a bout of diarrhoea that was only discovered upon removal of his snowsuit, which fortunately had remained on whilst we were out, and I started feeling morose. I had cabin fever. I was a 35 year old woman living at home with my mother, and my mother was bossing me around.
Now there are some things about being twenty years younger that I would not say no to, like having perfect skin (I’ve conveniently forgotten about the spots, and am choosing to remember only the lack of wrinkles), being able to go to school every day and learn stuff and, better still, hang out with all your friends all day, every day, and being able to rock a crop top without sucking in your mum tum and wondering whether the phrase mutton dressed as lamb is going through the heads of all who wander past. However, the following are not among them.
1.) Being constantly reminded to do your homework. Yes, you do read correctly. Only these days, homework is a pile of books to be marked, or some lesson planning you made the mistake of admitting you needed to do this weekend, only to be constantly reminded of it every five minutes. I’m an adult. I’m not trying to get out of it by lying on the sofa with my head buried in Twitter, yelling “I’LL DO IT IN A MINUTE.” No, not at all.
2.) Having no social life. Now I’m sure that if I had my time again I would be the most popular girl in school. Isn’t everyone now, in these days of social media? People just never stop talking, socialising and taking duckface selfies so that some acquaintance will drop a passing “gorgeous, hun” on their profile. However in 1996, my social life mainly consisted of waiting until Christmas, when someone’s parents would be going to some kind of function with a buffet and a “disco,” and would allow some of their daughter’s friends to come along to make it a bit less boring, and sometimes there would be boys there. Or at least vaguely in the area, on the street outside. Now, alas, I have no friends within a hundred mile radius, and the only boy I see is my own son.
3.) Being told what to do. Once upon a time, I was an adult, I had autonomy. I lived in a flat on my own with Piglet, and if I wanted to allow him to throw his dinner around-or at least ignore the fact that he was doing it-I could, without anyone telling me I was being “too soft,” “making a rod for my own back,” or “you never did that.”
4.) Living in the house where I grew up. Well, it could be worse. I could be still in my old bedroom, but apparently having a child does confer certain privileges, and I am now in my brother’s old room, which is at least not the size of a small cupboard. The main drawback of this is not the house itself-at least it’s got double glazing these days, and they’ve even opened a cafe up the road. Modernity is catching up-but the constant fear that you will bump into someone you know from primary school, and they will THINK YOU NEVER LEFT.
5.) Realising that your son might be having the exact same childhood that you did, not that there is anything wrong with that, except that you went to university, you built a career, you bought a flat, and you had your own baby, for you to bring up. Now it feels as though he isn’t even your son, but your brother in all but name, as he is effectively being brought up single-handedly by your mother whilst you are at work, in the same house where you grew up, and that, like a salmon, you have returned home to breed, and life has come full circle.
One day, I used to promise myself as I leaned out of my bedroom window twenty years ago, one day I will leave this place and find my own life. So I did. And then I came back. And now I can’t even get into that bedroom as my brother is in it, having also come back. Thank goodness we have an understanding mother.
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I don’t know if it’s right or wrong to tell you I laughed at parts of this – was it meant to be funny or sad?
As a ‘small town homie’ myself, the apple didn’t fall far from the tree here. I like to feel I’ve lived, travelled, seen some of the wide world…but alas, the pull to the mother land is strong.
There’s a whole lot of life ahead of you yet Min. Keep the Faith.
I’m glad you laughed-there’s not a single post on my blog that is not intended to be funny, at least in part! And living at home isn’t too bad, all in all. It’s just that my mum will always be my mum, and I will always be her daughter, so we will always end up falling into those roles I guess! Thanks for commenting, and sorry I couldn’t link up to #coolmumclub this week. I’ve been feeling really run down and was worried I was getting the flu (eek!) so the past two days I’ve eschewed blogging at night in favour of sleeping!
I moved home for a couple years at 29, thankfully I’ve escaped again. I do however reflect and I cherished the time to reconnect with my mum and it sealed us as firm friends. Thankfully she doesn’t boss me around and lets me make my own decisions as a mother!
It’s a double edged sword-on the one hand my mum is great and her help is invaluable-but I wish she would let me make my own parenting decisions!
I went back to live with my mom for a while after I had my first child. It was not good! It is hard living with parents as an adult, especially when you have a child of your own to raise. I feel for you!
Thanks for commenting. Generally speaking, we get along OK, but it’s hard not to revert into the parent and child role!
Even though I am 45 years old and live on my own, my mother can still make me feel like a teenager.
I’m glad I’m not the only one! Thanks for commenting.
We will always be their babies! is what my mum always says to me (I like to think I am past needing help to go to the toilet). I moved back to my mums pre-kids after moving out twice! I love no.4, I always used to fear bumping into people and felt like I had to explain why I was back home. But I also got my brothers old room which was a lot bigger than mine which was a bonus! great post #effitfriday
Haha, yes, I got the bigger room, which is the benefit of there being two of us. We need a bigger room!
Haha wow it really has come full circle. My Mom would be estatic if I lived with her but I would go insane! While she means well, she is a bit over-bearing. I’m sure it’s difficult living with your Mom again but on the positive side it must be nice to have your whole family back together again?! It’s good to reconnect and be there for each other : ). Love this list! Thanks for linking up with #stayclassy
It is nice in many ways, not least because she helps out with Piglet so much. Thanks for hosting-will come back again.
My mom still tells me how to handle my children, whether on the phone or in person when I stop by with my kiddos. It’s what moms do. Most times I can just let her say her peace and keep my peace while going forward the way I intended. Hopefully you’ll get out next weekend so you’ll go a little less stir crazy. #FabFridayPost
I’m sure that if Piglet has children, I’ll end up doing the same to him! This weekend has been better. Thanks for commenting.
I live a minutes drive from my mum so I see her a lot and there are definitely times when I feel like I’ve regressed to my teens because of how she treats me! I feel your pain! #kcacols
Thanks! Yes, living with her at the moment definitely has its stresses and strains, but overall I can’t complain, as if it weren’t for her I would be struggling with childcare.
Try to remember it’s only temporary. I’m sure you will get on your feet again. I couldn’t handle probably a week of living with my mother again. She’s become very “complainy” in her older age. I am visiting from #KCACOLS.
Thanks. It does feel rather permanent at the moment, but you are right, it isn’t forever, and there are a lot of good things about living with my mum too.
It’s shit but you’re seeing the sweet with the bitter. That’s got to be a good thing.
Things are temporary. Life can be hard but there’s always something good going on – your writing is excellent and it’s got to be down to the material.
That’s very true. If I had a textbook perfect life, I would have nothing to write. Thanks for commenting. x
More & more people move back home now a days my brother has been back home for 2 years and he’s nearly 35. I’m sure your experience is temporary & who cares if it’s not. Enjoy the help & freedom of ridiculous household bills 😉 #kcacols lifeinthemumslane
Thanks! Keeping fingers crossed it’s not forever.
I think you are so brave living with your mother. I have to say I couldn’t do that she would drive me nuts after the first few days. Hats off to you Min. Stay strong for Piglet. xx #TheList
& #FabFridayPost xx
Thank you-I will try! x
Oh wow your mother has a busy house now! I can totally understand what you are saying about your child feeling like your brother with being in your parents house & your mother minding him while you work. I bet she is very different with your child than she was with you though – grandparents seem to be much softer than parents 😉 Thanks so much for linking up with blogger club uk x
She prides herself on being the “strict” one, and making me out to be really soft! Thanks for commenting. x
It’s always good to return home. I bet your mum loves it. Thanks for linking up with #FabFridayPosts
Oh this made me laugh! My brother has just gone home again aged 30, it’s definitely a common theme! I am a bit jealous to be honest, my mum even makes his lunches to take to work. I go over at least once a week to get a free dinner and have people hold the baby for a few hours haha. Try and enjoy the good bits and you’ll get through the harder bits! #stayclassy
Oh bless your heart, I must confess I did laugh a little at this but in sympathy! It must be such an enormous challenge to be back living with your family, I know I would really struggle with this. One day at a time, right? x #kcacols
Ah yes, I know this feeling. I haven’t moved home but my my has effectively moved into mine. My mum feeds cygnet kale and spinach whizzed up in the nutribullet she got for Xmas. I balance out his diet with dark chocolate digestives when I get home. My mum insists he eat his lunch other won’t get a yoghurt for pudding. I walk him to the fridge and let him choose what he wants to eat. Oh well. I am at work most of the time so luckily he has quiet a good diet overall. #KCACOLS
Sounds a bit like my mum, except that mine wouldn’t know what a nutribullet is. Neither of us have had success getting him to eat his lunch on anything like a regular basis though!
I did have a little chuckle at parts of this… But feel a little sad too. I love my mum to bits, and she comes over one day a week, and literally does everything for me-cleans, feeds the children, changes their nappies, but she does throw in constant remarks that are the same as your mums-‘I’d never let you do that,’ ‘you would NEVER eat on the sofa,’ and my personal favourite as she takes in the pigsty of a house ‘I can’t ever remember a day when you were little that the house wasn’t clean from top to bottom.’ She then looks at me expectantly like I should apologise for my total shitness. I know she means well, but like other people have commented, she will always treat me like a child!! I’ll say my cheesy line again-have faith for the future!!
Yep, that’s totally my mum too! I think in the intervening years they forget what it was really like to have small children!
It must be very challenging to be living back at home, especially with a little one to look after. I think I would struggle massively with that. Stay strong and I hope it all works out for you 🙂 #fartglitter x
Thank you! It’s OK. I do get a lot of help from my mum so can’t complain.
I remember this feeling after I moved back home when I split up with my boyfriend. It will get easier as your baby gets older and you’ll find your own feet again. I’m glad you’ve got a strong support system to rely on! #Anythinggoes
Yes, I’m very lucky so I can’t really complain as having my mum’s support has been invaluable.
Sounds like there are some advantages to be had. Pretty sure my mother and I couldn’t survive living together permanently though.
Yes there definitely are advantages!
I lived with my parents for a few week while we moved house at Christmas. While it was nice to have a bit of extra help, I’m so glad it wasn’t a permanent arrangement. It must be really tough. Thanks so much for linking with #KCACOLS and I hope you can pop back next week x
Thank you for commenting! x
Ooooh, yeah, I could see me and my mum having similar conversations if I were to live back home! Don’t be depressed. The weather will soon perk up and then you’ll be able to get out and about again 🙂
That’s true-can’t wait for the weather to improve. Thanks for commenting!
I boomeranged between my mum and my (now) husband for about three years. Even now we are married I head home, to my childhood bedroom, with two children, while my husband is away working with all the small town people still there, AND STILL JUDGING!!!! Still. As long as I know I left and came back all is good 🙂
That makes me feel a bit better! I guess, having never been married, I see marriage as the ultimate act of being a grown up, so I’m glad that even that doesn’t save you from the lure of the childhood bedroom!
I don’t live with my mum but she sometimes still makes me feel like a teenager. Thanks for linking up to #justanotherlinky xx
Thank you for hosting! I don’t think parents ever lose that knack of making us feel 15 again.
I spend a lot of time with my parents and I have to say it makes me feel like a teenager every single time. Without all the crazy stuff teens get up to! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely x
Yes definitely no crazy stuff going on WHATSOEVER. I’m currently drinking wine in bed. That’s as crazy as it gets.
That was a really bittersweet read. Number 4 made me laugh ruefully. I always swore I would never come back to my home town and here I am.
I’ve only had a small taste of what you’re living but that was enough. It makes me swear to never to do that to my kids if they move out and have to move back!
Yep, we are all like salmon, returning home to breed. Just when I thought I’d got away for good, too! Thank you for commenting.
This post definitely rings true to me. When I had my son, I was still living with my mum, but I had my brother’s room too! My mum looked after my son while I worked various jobs and studied. A lot of the time, it felt like I wasn’t really growing up!
Now I’m married, I still live in the same town, which I love, but on the other side of it now! 🙂
That must have been difficult. I have been away and come back, which I guess is easier in some ways but harder in others. Glad to hear there’s light at the end of the tunnel!
Baby is gorgeous by the way! Totally get how you feel, it must seem odd and while maybe not part of your plan, it’s the stage before the next one – whatever you may decide to do next. Having travelled by yourself must make it harder but then you made a very brave decision and looking at those adorable eyes it was the right one. #KCACOLS
Thank you. You are so right, it is just an interim plan. Thanks for commenting.
The bonus of it is that you have your mum who would look after your child while you’re away to work, saves you having to pay for childminder… that’s the only thing I miss not having my parents around. I think your mum love having you back with her grandchild. Anyway, Good luck to any future plans you have. #OurFaveFive
Thanks! Well, she looks after him for 3 days. He goes to nursery for the other two, so it’s certainly better than having to pay for 5 days childcare. She does love having him around-although she does find it challenging at times I think!
I moved back to the village I grew up in coming up four years ago and I keep bumping into pleple I went to school with. We’re all married and/or have kids now, and I often wonder if everyone else has been doing the same thing I have for the last 10 years… Which is not very much of anything really!
Thanks for commenting. It’s funny how we all end up moving back. When I turned up at my mum’s house just before Piglet was born my brother said it was like I was a salmon, returning home to breed!
Really interesting post. I moved back home at the age of 24 for a couple of years and don’t get me wrong, it was really hard in so many ways. The lack of privacy etc but I did manage to save some money (all gone now mind) and it grounded me for sure. Just see it as a short term thing for a long term gain. #thebabyformula
Yes, you’re right. To be honest, it’s not that bad, but I do feel like an overgrown teenager!
Oh gosh you have my sympathies, ha! We lived with my parents for a while as we saved for our house and it was a nightmare! I did feel like I was a teenager all over again, having to answer to somebody and the interference with the kids was crazy! I think if we had stayed any longer it would have come to blows!! #thebabyformula
I definitely feel your pain there. Luckily my mum and I do get on OK day to day and we can joke about the interference!
Hey Min. I moved back home when I was 31 for 2 yrs. It is tough – I was 31 going on 13 for those years. You have Piglet to contend with too (great pseudonym by the way; we LOVE him in our house) so I ABSOLUTELY. TAKE. MY. HAT. OFF to you. (At the same time, you know it is the best place to be, right?) It’s really head-f***ing sometimes, I think, when you live under the same roof as your mother as an adult. But I hope NG will know that she can always live with me if things are tough because, ultimately … well, we’re their mums, aren’t we? #thebabyformula
That’s very true, and that’s a really good way of looking at it. My mum is basically a saint to have me back, especially with Piglet in tow as well, and it’s amazing that I can rely on her-I know many other people don’t have that luxury. Thanks for commenting, and for reminding me that I’m actually really lucky!
There is nothing on this earth that would make me move in with my own mother again 😉 so I’m glad you have a better relationship with yours. You had me laughing with this post, but I can imagine it does all feel a bit odd.
Stevie x #OurFaveFive
It does, but I’m actually in no hurry to move out, so overall the positives outweigh the negatives.
Oh that must be hard! I can’t imagine it, but it sounds like it works for you in that you have childcare sorted and know exactly where Piglet is. There is something nice about being somewhere you’ve grown up, where you know inside out and…. very useful there is now a cafe nearby!! A must for any mum 🙂
Thanks for sharing #thebabyformula
It is nice in a way, because I know the area so well, and yet I’m still finding new things I never knew existed, so can’t complain really!
Ahh at least you have a good relationship with your mother (it sounds like your brother does too)
I could not imagine having to move back in with mine. I think it would be total nightmare and we wouldn’t last a day in each others company!
Thanks so much for linking up to #OurFaveFive, I hope to see you back again for April! x
I do, so I am lucky in that respect. I’m not in any hurry to get out as the advantages outweigh the disadvantages at the moment.