So this weekend I attended my very first blogging conference.
I know! Like I was a real blogger and general all-round social media whizz kid, rather than a hopeless numpty who just spent 20 minutes of valuable Piglet sleepytime browsing the Internets searching for “ways to add social media buttons to WordPress blog header,” not understanding the various bits of technical information that appeared and giving the whole idea up for lost. I mean, how do other people do things like this?
Anyway, the blog conference was good, although it would have been better if I had not been literally ABOUT TO DIE of sleep deprivation after a nightmare journey from Bristol to London the night before, which had involved me leaving work, bumping into an ex-boyfriend from THE ACTUAL NINETIES on the train home, who proceeded to loudly regale his companion with tales of how I used to be a “ladette” back in the day, as though that was a real thing and not an anti-feminist made-up term used to refer to various members of the Spice Girls because they drank a pint of lager once or had the audacity to accidentally break wind in public. I then picked up Piglet and headed to the station, narrowly missed the London train and settled down to an hour’s wait, only to get on the train an hour later and realise five minutes before the train pulled out of the station that I had left the keys to my flat in London (where I was due to be staying) in my mother’s house in Bristol.
My mother was a superstar, immediately jumping in a taxi and delivering said keys, but Piglet and I now had to wait another hour and a half for the next train, which was due at 10pm. Piglet actually wailed as my mother bid goodbye to us at the station, evidently wishing that he had a proper Mummy like his Granny instead of this hapless imbecile who insisted on wheeling him around a half-deserted railway station of a Friday night when all he really wanted was to be in bed like a proper baby with real parents and SOMEBODY CALL SOCIAL SERVICES NOW PLEASE WON’T YOU.
He soon recovered enough, however, to play his Official Favourite Game Ever, which consists of taking a random thing-in this case abandoned train tickets-and flinging them on the floor repeatedly, while the nearest adult-usually Mummy but in this case it was random train passengers-wearily picks up the fallen tickets, so that the almighty Piglet can fling them to the floor again. And again. And again. And again. I shall never again underestimate the forbearance of drunken train passengers with tedious baby-games.
After a refreshing night’s sleep (four hours. God preserve us) we were up again at the crack of dawn to go to the blogging conference. I was a bit worried that I would be cast out from the fold as I had not written a post for a few days, but fortunately nothing was mentioned. That might be because no one reads this blog, especially not my mother who describes it as “wearing,” and not in the sense that one might wear clothes.
Naturally, this being a blogging conference, there were all sorts of things happening like photos being taken, brands being consulted and tweets being sent. I did supremely well in all of these.
1.) Photos. I took one! Look!
2.) I spoke to the bloke from JCB. And look, Piglet is inspecting a JCB. I thank the Lord above that he is not old enough to speak yet, as I am pretty sure he would be saying “Me want JCB. Me want JCB for Christmas. Christmas now! Now now NOW NOW! Not this miniature replica. Me want the REAL THING. FULL SIZE PLEASE.”
3.) I forgot my phone charger. Twitter probably didn’t even notice. Thanks Twitter.
Still, I went to a conference. I write a blog. I am a real blogger. Even if it is “wearing.”