Most. Unproductive. Day. Ever.
Piglet woke up this morning at 7.30am, which I understand from my fellow parentals is usually described as “late.” For me, this is obscenely early, and I spent over an hour whimpering “Go back to sleep” whilst being enthusiastically hit in the face by an increasingly perky baby. Once I finally did get up, I remembered that I had been planning to go to a childminder’s drop in session in the vicinity of where I work, so I reluctantly put Piglet in the pram and headed off. One delayed train, five minutes of peering mournfully at the huge staircase I had to navigate with the pram at the other end before some knight in shining armour took pity on me and came to my aid, and one brisk walk later, I was at the children’s centre, only to be informed that the childminder’s session had ended ten minutes previously, and yes there is a nursery here if you’re interested, but you should probably know that there’s a two year waiting list.
TWO YEARS. WHAT IS THIS PLANET OF MADNESS UPON WHICH WE LIVE????
“I just got a place recently!” a young mother who happened to be sitting nearby piped up, with the pride of someone who’s just been told that their toddler has just got a place at Oxbridge.
Newly enthused, I asked how old her daughter was.
“She’s two. I put her name down at birth! Some parents put their babies’ names down before they’re even born!”
OH HELL. I am DOOMED. I am never going to be able to go back to work. I am going to have to put Piglet in the nursery up the road, which is called “The Honeypot.” The HONEYPOT, I tell you. It sounds like a porn movie. This is HIDEOUS.
After a brief visit to work to show off how much baby has grown since last visit four months ago, I trudge wearily back to the station, only to spend ten minutes at the bottom of a set of stairs wondering how I am going to navigate them with a pram, wondering if it would be acceptable to ask someone who works there to help (I’m guessing no, based on previous experience with Transport for London. I’m surprised they haven’t yet gone on strike about it), contemplating whether it would be highly dangerous to attempt to lift entire pram, complete with sleeping Piglet (answer: yes) and most of all, wondering how I am supposed to do this every day after a whole day toiling away at the coalface at work, in the not-too-distant future.
I finally resorted to folding the pram, which was not Piglet’s most contented moment with as I had to lie him down on the manky station floor while I did so, then holding the now-wide-awake-and unimpressed-about-it Piglet with one arm whilst dragging the pram up the steps behind me with the other. I am not sure that the pram has fully recovered from the experience, and that thing was EXPENSIVE. And don’t even get me started on the state of my shredded nerves. I am so going to have to bite the bullet and get one of those cheap things my mother had back in the ’80s, which she used to expertly fold with her little finger whilst simultaneously hauling an armful of toddlers onto the bus. Some things really were better in the Olden Days.