First hypnobirthing session today.

This turned out not to be the hideous middle class smug married experience I had been expecting, for the simple reason that I was the only person on the course.

So no cheating with the breathing exercises then and slacking off half way through to scratch the many inevitable itches that suddenly break out all over one’s body when forced to meditate.

Also failure to do homework will certainly be noticed.

“Homework” in this context involves practising breathing.  Obviously this is something I do all the time, just like every other living creature on this earth, but this is a specific type of breathing.  Three specific types in fact; one to relax you, one to see you through the contractions (“surges,” as they are diplomatically renamed for hypnobirthing purposes) and lastly one to actually get the baby out.

This last one must be practised on the toilet, and I am happy to say that it has worked so far, if that’s not a TMI overload.  Though of course one can never be sure whether it was the breath that did it, or the simple fact that I just really needed to go.

Anyway, I am knackered after all that breathing exertion, so am going to go to bed now and practise the “relaxing” one.