Suddenly inhabiting weird parallel universe consisting entirely of Bugaboo Bees

Well the World Cup has now started and I missed my first England World Cup game since about 1982 simply because I was too tired to stay up and watch it.  Now watching France vs Honduras and although it’s only 9pm and I had a nap earlier I am already yawning profusely. Ooh France have…

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So it turns out you can have such a thing as too much protein

Had an appointment with the midwife today.  This was the first appointment I have had where things did not go entirely according to plan. I had, for a start, completely forgotten to do my urine sample, and had to try to squeeze it all out in the delightful conditions of the toilet in the GP’s…

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The Perils of Buying Baby Stuff

The shopping is getting serious. AARRGH. I never thought there would be a type of shopping I failed to enjoy on any level.  And then I came across Baby Shopping. To be honest, the pram and pushchair aspect of it is quite enjoyable (as long as you don’t look too closely at the prices) and…

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Alcohol: Taunting Me With Its Presence

Currently lying on the sofa recovering from a very strenuous weekend. I stayed up until 1am on Friday (1am!), then had my baby shower yesterday and finally topped it all off with a breastfeeding class today. Luckily we didn’t have to get our boobs out at the latter (or the former, both of which would…

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What if I don’t love the baby?

Cannot believe it is now getting on for 2pm and, following an inadvisably large breakfast, I have done literally nothing. Well, nothing except perusal of the internets, searching for such useful advice as “What if I don’t love my baby?” Well, what if I don’t?  What if his constant wailing and not sleeping really pisses…

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On the hunt for a Vivienne Westwood birthing dress

Today I am mostly panicking about: baby positions. That’s right, it turns out that there is an optimum position for Baby to be lying in for the most desirable, Call the Midwife-style, two pushes and they’re out form of childbirth which I am hoping to emulate. And this, despite my jubilation at being told at…

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Attempts to Turn Baby Into a Genius: Part One

Following reading an article on the Guardian website about babies’ intellectual development being boosted by their parents talking to them, I have just spent the last ten minutes giving Foetus a running commentary on What I’m Looking At On The Internet. This included reading some articles on things I thought he might be interested in…

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Sudden Panic at Actual Realisation that I am about to become Really, Really Poor

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!! This pretty much sums up how I felt when I saw how much (read: *little*) I am going to get in maternity pay.  Seriously, it’s so bad I almost considered having Little One adopted. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? I am literally terrified.  Why am I not married?  WHY WHY WHY? OK, need…

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My Wild Night of Smoking and Drinking

Apparently Katie Price is pregnant with her fifth child. Now despite my concern at the alarming prospect that the world may be being single-handedly repopulated by Katie Price (possibly with help from Kerry Katona), there is some grounds for hope here.  After all, Katie Price is older than me.  And at my age, anyone older…

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Newsflash: Women’s Breasts Apparently Not Designed For Men

Hallelujah!  Apparently the baby is “probably head down, although the head hasn’t dropped into the pelvis yet.” Presumably this means he’s already starting to gear up for birth. Obviously do not want baby to be born immediately, but at least he isn’t in a weird position.  At least not at the moment (probably shouldn’t speak…

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