Parody of a Mummy Blogger

Today is my blog birthday. Yes peeps, today my blog is a whole two weeks old! I KNOW.  I can’t believe it either.  TWO WEEKS! In celebration of this momentous event, the lovely people at MyBloggingTips.com have asked me to write a very special Two Things I Have Learned in Two Weeks.  I am, like,…

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#StayClassy

I never thought it would happen. I never thought that I would become one of them. One of, you know, Them. Those perfect parents with the perfect Instagram shots, the rows of pictures of beautiful and stylish children, with the perfect hipster Mummy in the perfect hipster dungarees, child on hip, child on scooter, posing…

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The Twenty Stages of Getting a Toddler to Sleep

When you are 20 months old and a tiny tyrant, there comes a point in every day, sometime after the closing bars of the CBeebies Goodnight song, when the time has quite literally come to say goodnight, to say sleep tight until the morning light. That time rarely comes until at least an hour and…

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Why I hate inspirational quotes

My brother is the King of Cynicism. He is one in a long line of cynics, including our father before us, who loved nothing better than to sit in the corner of a pub, peering over a broadsheet and watching the world silently with an acerbic eye; and before that our grandfather, who amused us as children…

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What is Success?

Some years ago, I was at a conference for sixth form students, aimed at encouraging them to apply to top universities.  As I sat at the back, listening to the speakers, one terrifying statistic caught my ear.  It was the unwelcome news that, on average, Oxbridge graduates seven years post-graduation were earning approximately three times…

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In Praise of the Mum Cut *

*Not a reference to an episiotomy.  Don’t worry, you can read on now.  The way ahead is clear. Three weeks after my son was born, I squeezed into a brand new American Apparel bodycon dress, extra-small size.  It fitted.  The victory had been won.  Normal service was resumed, I was back in American Apparel apparel…

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The Public Badge of Good Motherhood: What’s so great about it anyway?

Picture the scene.  You are in a cafe.  Your toddler, having just had a floor-hugging, rigid back arching, high-decibel screaming meltdown over not being able to push his own buggy into the centre of the cafe and then spend the next twenty minutes using it to bash tables, and the legs of anyone who happens…

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Why my son’s eating habits drive me insane

Two days ago, I sat in a bus station feeding my 20 month old son raisins. “OOH, LOOK AT HIS LOVELY FACE!” remarked an older lady who was waiting for the bus with her husband.  They both smiled indulgently. “Is he a good eater?” she enquired. I felt bad having to answer in the negative….

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The End of Reason?

I have glimpsed the future, and it is terrifying.  In America, President Trump rules with a rubber fist, changing his mind every five minutes to suit whoever he thinks the most influential section of the electorate are; a longer, higher, version of the Berlin wall stands across the Mexican border and anyone who attempts to…

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How I Became a Failed Vegan

I love a challenge.  If anyone is looking for someone to trek from Land’s End to John ‘O Groats on a skateboard, or fly around the world by carrier pigeon, I’m your girl. So it was in this spirit of adventure that I decided it was time I took on a new challenge, one that…

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