Piglet seems to have developed a rather disturbing new habit. Several times this week I have caught him banging his head-apparently deliberately-on his cot or my bed. Upon consulting Dr Google about this distressing new hobby I have learned the following: Piglet has above average intelligence Head banging is totally normal Piglet must be autistic…
Category: the Public Badge of Good Motherhood
The Middle Way
And so another trip to the Baby Weighing Clinic draws to a close. A trip in which I received a literal pat on the back from the health visitor for maintaining Piglet’s centile, no less. And then a metaphorical slap on the wrist for admitting that I sometimes (OK, maybe every day) feed him Organix…
I appear to have accidentally told someone I hate being a parent.* I am going to Hell in a Handcart.
Sorry. I just really wanted to use the phrase “going to hell in a handcart.” It is surely the best thing anyone has ever said, ever. I mean, THE IMAGES. Anyway, back to the point, I am talking about how, as a parent, you become endlessly obsessed with how good or otherwise a parent you…
Note to self: Stop reading parenting blogs (that aren’t this one, obvs.)
What is it about parenting that makes everyone go all Judgey McJudge? Well, not everyone, but more specifically, me. No, in fact, everyone. Everyone does this. OK I admit I was quite judgemental beforehand, in a “well that outfit isn’t very suitable for work now, is it?” kind of way, but with motherhood this tendency seems to have…
Who is even allowed to use the birth centre?
Just returned from a quick excursion to the toilet to find Piglet slumped in his bouncy chair, hanging off the end. Perhaps the time has come to start strapping him in (what’s that sound? The sound of social services being called at the fact that I have so far failed to do this). Either that…
The Curse of the Mummy Clothes
Not a terribly productive day. Currently procrastinating cleaning the flat and using Piglet’s current slumbers as an excuse. We cannot have him being woken up by the vacuum cleaner after all. In fact, today’s activities consisted of: going downstairs to check my mailbox, baking chocolate cookies and going to the bank. As I am currently…
New Sport of Ostentatious Breastfeeding Makes Wembley Debut
And so for a bit of ostentatious breastfeeding. Well not at the moment. At the moment I am watching X Factor on mute so as not to wake Piglet from his slumbers. Michael Buble is either singing or talking to someone who may or may not be Nelly Furtado. Without the benefit of sound, they both…
The Public Badge of Good Motherhood
Argh. I have inadvertently trained Piglet to gaze blankly at the television as if in a hypnotic trance. Unfortunately, this does not only happen during In the Night Garden. This was not supposed to happen. I was supposed to be an earth mother, all joss sticks and babywearing, giving birth blissfully in a bathtub surrounded…