Oops. Ordered a sandwich with goat’s cheese in it today only to remember that goat’s cheese is not allowed in pregnancy.
Admitting to previous incidents of this nature has resulted in open-mouthed abject horror from other pregnant friends and/or mothers.
I am already a terrible mother.
To make up for it, I decided to buy the baby a Moomin toy and Moomin babygrow.
The Moomin babygrow was blue.
Now, I am a fan of the colour blue. I like the blue of the sky, the blue of the sea, and many other varieties of blue. What I do not like, however, is that there appear to be only two colours that it is considered socially acceptable for babies to wear; these being namely blue and pink.
These are literally the only two colours available. It leads a liberal, Guardian-reading feminist mother such as myself to wonder how I am expected to dress my child in a way that will avoid the tyranny of blue and pink. The few things I have seen that were neither of these colours let themselves down quite spectacularly by being emblazoned with offensive slogans which suggested one or more of the following:
1.) Babies are little princes/princesses who rule their parents with a rod of iron. This may well be true, but Mini-Me is definitely, DEFINITELY not allowed to know it, much less proclaim it to all and sundry via a babygrow.
2.) There are a lot of baby articles which are reflections of parental boasting, even about such mundane and unimpressive feats as being married. For evidence, see the slogan “My mummy married her Prince Charming and had me.” Well done Mummy. Also what is this, the 1400s? Sadly, I have yet to see any babygrows with the words “My mummy gave up on men, bought some sperm on the internet and had me,”even though, in my own humble opinion, this is at least as impressive (and expensive) as finding a white dress to flounce about in pretending you’re an untouched eighteenth century virgin and ending the night dancing to cheese whilst networking with Auntie Maureen who you haven’t seen since 1994.
3.) Boys are tediously and unimaginatively expected to harbour a desire to become a footballer from the age of 3 months even when they don’t know what a football is and would probably try to eat it if they happened to find one, whereas girls wish only to grow up and do virtually non-existent made-up jobs, such as princess or Tinkerbell from Peter Pan. Probably whilst eating cupcakes. Oh and only boys are allowed to like dinosaurs, even though it is patently obvious that no one can fail to like something with a name like Triceratops, regardless of race, religion, gender or sexual orientation.
The most offensive babygrow slogan I have seen so far was a (pink) item that proclaimed “When I grow up I’m going to marry Prince George.”
I am considering purchasing it for my son.