20 week scan tomorrow.

Obviously this is terrifying, and I will not go into the list of horrific ailments that could be detected at this point, all of which I have googled multiple times.

Anyway, my bump is continuing to grow at a somewhat alarming rate, and now I even have backache (hopefully this is not a sign of impending doom.  Have googled that as well.  I also read all the bits in What to Expect When You’re Expecting which were marked “Do not read unless diagnosed with…THIS WILL ONLY SCARE YOU” in bold letters).

Basically, I am now an expert on:
Placenta praevia
Placenta accreta
Placental abruption
Cord prolapse (someone had this in Call the Midwife yesterday, and they had to have a caesarean.  A caesarean!  In Call the Midwife!  Judging by that programme, in the 1950s usually it was three pushes and the baby’s out so it must have been serious.  I do hope it wasn’t Miranda Hart doing the operation).
Pre-ecampsia
Eclampsia (this is what Lady Sybil died of in Downton Abbey.  See, I’m an expert).
PRROM (this is my current Number One Thing to be Scared Of, having recently taken over from Incompetent Cervix, mainly because I discovered that it might be caused by having bleeding gums, which I often do at the moment).
HELLP syndrome (apparently this is an actual thing).

Anyway, at least the students at work are helping to play their part in ensuring a safe pregnancy by trying to minimise my stress in the classroom.  For one Year 11 student this apparently means offering to give out sheets and carry unusually heavy objects, such as a tin of glue sticks, around the classroom for me, and for one particularly charming Year 9, it includes clearing a path for me in the corridor by yelling at fellow students “Out of the way!  Pregnant lady coming through!”

Meanwhile, others are taking a more hands on approach, wanting to touch my bump or suggesting preposterous names for the baby (Nevaeh.  It’s Heaven backwards, see?)

Oh, and it looks like there might soon be a rumour going around that I am actually the Virgin Mary, and expecting the future Messiah, since a student ran into the detentions after school on Friday yelling “Did you know Miss is pregnant?  But she HASN’T HAD ANY INTERCOURSE!”

Don’t ask.