I write this having just got in from my 36th birthday party. When I say “just got in”, obviously what I actually mean is I got in an hour ago, but then had to sign a mortgage deed (adult points: 1, buying a house), take my make up off (I KNOW! I actually take my…
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Guest post series
Are you a single parent like yours truly? Do you live on a barge like this one behind me? Or have you, like me, had two pairs of sunglasses snapped in half by your child since this photo was taken and want to tell someone about it? If so, this guest post series is for…
I’ve Never Been In Love….And That’s OK
Tonight my brother and I watched a programme about Euro ’96. We sat there, and I drank wine and he ate his nutritious dinner of turkey twizzlers and chips, or some such horror (I stole some of the chips. I am not above such filth). We sat there in the parental abode where we grew…
Is My Son a Naughty Child?
As a teacher, I have seen my fair share of naughty children. Children who lit up a cigarette in the reception area at school whilst waiting to be sent home after being excluded. Children who shouted “fish and chips!” repeatedly at a Chinese teacher during a lesson. And I have lived in fear of that…
My Thoughts on #BML16, for what it’s worth
Well, it happened. I went to #BML16, the conference formerly known as Britmums. And although my dreams of making my way up a lengthy red carpet past hordes of paparazzi whilst TV crews vie for my attention, as I imagine is the lot of the superstar blogger, are as yet unfulfilled; and I am yet…
The Ten Most Middle Class Things Ever
Once, whilst visiting a popular picnic spot with my brother, he felt the need to pause a conversation mid-sentence and gasp in awe at a seemingly very ordinary group of people making their way across the immaculate lawn. An army of green canvas folding chairs, wicker picnic hampers and Prosecco bottles crossed in front of…
When You Just Can’t Think of Anything to Write
I once read an interview with the great Caitlin Moran, where she said that she found it easier to write when she had a number of different writing projects to complete than when she was writing one 800 word column per week. Now I am not about to compare myself to Caitlin Moran (OK, I…
A Little Visit From The Parenting Police
M’am, We dropped in to see you earlier, but it appears that you weren’t in. Probably out working, I imagine. Shouldn’t you be at home like a proper mother? Oh no of course, we forgot, you are a single mother. We wouldn’t want the likes of you eating up the welfare budget with your fecklessness…
What I Have Learned in One Week of House Hunting
As the old adage goes, it’s better to have the worst house in a good street, than the best house in a bad street. Your garden might be full of what the council terms “bulky waste,” and your doors may be falling off their hinges, but you’ll have the best schools, the best parks, the best…
The Grass Is Always Greener
One of the main perks of being a working parent is the cherished opportunity to talk to other adults about things other than teething and infant sleeping patterns. I call this “water cooler conversation.” This morning’s water cooler conversation, so called because it took place next to an actual water cooler-albeit one that is not…