I haven’t written on here recently as I have been spending most of my life wandering around Wembley in a dead-eyed haze, pushing a pram containing a wide-eyed and alert Piglet, who sits staring at me blankly as I plead with him to take a nap. He does actually need a nap. He has all…
Category: fun times in Wembers
Uproar at Gender Segregation Taking Place on UK High Street
Just come back from a visit to the health visitor where, in typical fashion, Piglet did an enormous wee on the baby weighing scales and I was told off for not taking vitamin supplements, despite the fact that (as I protested to the health visitor) they have been repeatedly shown to be useless. Better just…
The Curse of the Mummy Clothes
Not a terribly productive day. Currently procrastinating cleaning the flat and using Piglet’s current slumbers as an excuse. We cannot have him being woken up by the vacuum cleaner after all. In fact, today’s activities consisted of: going downstairs to check my mailbox, baking chocolate cookies and going to the bank. As I am currently…
New Sport of Ostentatious Breastfeeding Makes Wembley Debut
And so for a bit of ostentatious breastfeeding. Well not at the moment. At the moment I am watching X Factor on mute so as not to wake Piglet from his slumbers. Michael Buble is either singing or talking to someone who may or may not be Nelly Furtado. Without the benefit of sound, they both…
DOES THIS CHILD HAVE A PARENT?
It is 9pm and Piglet is asleep in his bouncy chair. I am pretty sure that this is VERY BAD, as apparently babies are not supposed to sleep in their bouncy chairs. Especially without the little seat belt attached to strap them in; the little seatbelt that Piglet has recently discovered and now regularly tries…
Expressing Milk Attempt no. 1: Abject Failure
11pm and Piglet is lying in his co-sleeper, shouting. God knows what the neighbours must think. Frankly I’m amazed I haven’t had a note through the door telling me to keep the noise down, and while we’re at it, social services have been called. In fact, everybody in my building must see a good deal…
Positive Sleep Associations
This is my latest scintillating read. The wrinkled sheet underneath (yes that is on my bed) is basically a metaphor for Piglet’s current sleeping patterns. Well, who irons a sheet anyway? I mean, who even owns an iron? As I write, Piglet is sleeping soundly at my feet in his bouncy chair. To look at…
Why Middle Aged Women Should Rule the World
For the last two days I have managed to get Piglet to bed at *around* the 9pm mark. This is an immeasurable improvement on midnight, which was his previous bedtime. It may in fact now be the case that Piglet will grow into a creature of reasonable nocturnal habits, and will not be staying up…
A Critique of Daytime Television: 1.) Real Housewives
I just shouted “Yes!” when the announcer on ITV2 announced a double bill of Real Housewives of Beverley Hills. I am officially a very sad person. The thing is, when you are on maternity leave, there isn’t a lot to do. Or there is, but most of it involves spending money I do not have….
The Kindness of Strangers.
Why is it that every time I go out, no matter how many times I have fed Piglet (and no matter how many times he has tried to escape from the Hide-the-Boob Tent), and even if I have fed him immediately before leaving wherever I am, by the time he gets on the train home…