It is 5.58am on Christmas Eve and I am awake. Since I have no other reason to be so at this time, I can only conclude that the Christmas Panic is setting in. The cold, clammy fear that the roast potatoes won’t be crispy enough, the vegetarian centrepiece won’t be showy enough, and the alcohol…
Category: crazed paranoia
Horrible Itchy Disease
Woman in the last days of pregnancy is not a pretty sight. I, for example, have just thrown up the sole thing I have eaten today-a fried egg sandwich-and after three hours sleep it’s all I can do to move off the sofa in order to search the cupboards for stray crisps. That is, if…
So it turns out you can have such a thing as too much protein
Had an appointment with the midwife today. This was the first appointment I have had where things did not go entirely according to plan. I had, for a start, completely forgotten to do my urine sample, and had to try to squeeze it all out in the delightful conditions of the toilet in the GP’s…
What if I don’t love the baby?
Cannot believe it is now getting on for 2pm and, following an inadvisably large breakfast, I have done literally nothing. Well, nothing except perusal of the internets, searching for such useful advice as “What if I don’t love my baby?” Well, what if I don’t? What if his constant wailing and not sleeping really pisses…
Bring Me The WIne
God I could murder some wine. What is a lovely two week break away from work without wine? The most decadent treat I can now give myself is a decaf latte. Literally cannot think about life stretching out into the future with no wine. Still, things could be worse. According to the Internets, I am…
‘Twas the night before the scan and all through the house…..I am stressing out, googling like a hyperactive louse
First scan tomorrow and I am feeling completely calm and zen-like about this. In other words I have spent the entire day sat in my flat googling the following search terms:Period pains 12 weeks pregnant (need to know if this is normal)12 weeks 6 days pregnant stomach flat (and is this normal?)Chances of missed miscarriage…
Cruel and Unusual Symptoms of Pregnancy
I’m back! Already! After just one day! Obviously this means that one of my hundreds of New Year’s Resolutions is to write more often. The other main one is to clean the flat but I still haven’t done that. I’m using morning sickness as an excuse, especially since I threw up three times this morning…
Knicker Watch Officially Starts Here
Today is a momentous day. One that will go down in the history books. Or at least the annals of my life. I hope. Yes, today is the day I got a faint line on a cheap pregnancy test from Wilkinson’s. And a day before Official Test Date at that. I celebrated in hedonistic style,…
Ten Things I Have Learned About IVF
1.) I am thinking of looking for a role in the circus as the Astonishing Human Pin Cushion. 2.) Everyone is telling me what to eat: Drink milk, eat eggs, don’t eat cheese, eat tofu, don’t eat tofu, sugar is bad for the eggs. It’s enough to drive anyone to a life of cupcakes…
Why can’t it just all be easy, like in the Bible?
AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHH I am sat on my bed with a copy of The Baby-Making Bible next to me. It all seems a lot more complicated than it is in the real Bible, where men just have to “know” their wives, and “go into” them. Although I suppose that Abraham and Sarah had difficulty conceiving, and had…