At least it’s not a fridge, I say to my mother. We are just going out, and as I turn back to survey the front of the house, my eye falls on the abandoned Christmas tree sitting forlornly on the drive, waiting it out until the time in mid-January when allegedly the council will come…
Category: Christmas
The Utter Trauma of Taking the Tree Down
Apparently, the Queen leaves her Christmas tree up until February. And I know this because I recently binge watched three royal-themed documentaries back to back on Channel 5. Why watch The Crown on Netflix when you can have the real deal on Freeview complete with soundbites from a couple of the Daily Mail’s finest royal…
Ten Ways to Survive Twixtmas
It was the day before Twixtmas, and all through the house….. Oh hang on, the day before Twixtmas is Christmas Day, and precisely nobody-except, I imagine, those who are profoundly lonely or whose family are a shower of b******s-spends Christmas Day ruminating on the joys of the next day. After all, we’re all too busy…
How To Shop, Christmas-Style
Before you read on, I should probably emphasise that the placement of that comma in the title is deliberate, lest you think this is going to be a piece about where to find the most blisteringly ironic Christmas jumpers on the high street or how to, in the words of Home and Garden magazine, “bring…
How To Make Christmas Decorations Out Of Pine Cones
“I will never write a How To post,” I say smugly, “at least not on something I’m not an expert on.” Only experts, in my view, should be the ones writing How To posts. Specialists in their field, people who’ve spent a lifetime in their area of expertise and several years of serious postgraduate study engaged…
Single Mum Cooks: Sprout stir-fry
Let’s face it, once September rolls around, there’s only one thing on everyone’s mind. Well, one thing in addition to Strictly and whichever blow-the-budget Sunday night costume drama is currently doing the televisual rounds. And that thing is Christmas. The leaves are going a bit brown. Sort of, ish. Maybe, almost? Dig out those opaques,…
Thank God, they put the right one in
Most people’s birth stories seem to fall into one of the following categories: 1.) URRGGHH that was HORRIBLE. 2.) UURRGGHH that was HORRIBLE. There was blood everywhere. And stitches.* And it REALLY HURT. 3.) It was amazing. I was in a birthing pool. I had the intervention-free, drugless labour I always wanted. There was whalesong….
Is it Christmas yet?
Typical, my first day with Piglet in a week and I am ill. I think it’s time to Slow. Right. Down. The past two weeks have been manic. I get up each morning at 6, place Piglet in Granny’s bed, and then go off to work each day until nearly 7pm. Then last week I…
Motherhood, Christmas Cards and Tin Openers
Today I bought a new tin opener. For some unknown reason, neither of the two adults I spoke to today (my mother and brother. I’m not including the man in the shop where I bought the tin opener, since the conversation consisted of “that will be six pounds please” and that was it. I KNOW,…