My mother is livid. “YOU DON’T NEED A KING SIZE BED,” she thunders. “NO ONE NEEDS A KING SIZED BED!” I calmly point out, quite tactfully I think, that king sized beds might have been considered wildly hedonistic luxuries back in the 1970s, the sort of thing that Rod Stewart might have had in his gold penthouse,…
Category: things social services do not need to know
Life: Perfectly Instagrammed?
This is a nice photo. Everything on Instagram is nice. Sometimes I almost think I could be a photographer, or at least someone with a lovely lifestyle blog full of beautiful soft-focus shots of their immaculate home full of spotless white furniture and inspirational quotes. However, as we all know, life doesn’t come packaged up…
Times My Mother Was Wrong, and I Was Vindicated
And so I find myself confined to the bedroom in case of baby awakenings, sitting in bed in complete darkness with a glass of wine, while Piglet sleeps blissfully in the bed next to me. Well, complete darkness apart from the computer screen. Can the light from computer screens wreak havoc upon sleeping children, I…
New Sport of Ostentatious Breastfeeding Makes Wembley Debut
And so for a bit of ostentatious breastfeeding. Well not at the moment. At the moment I am watching X Factor on mute so as not to wake Piglet from his slumbers. Michael Buble is either singing or talking to someone who may or may not be Nelly Furtado. Without the benefit of sound, they both…
How to avoid using dangerous substances such as Calpol
So I am trying to write this while Piglet naps on my chest (look at me! Multi-tasking uber-mother!) He had his first set of immunisations this morning. This was relatively stress free. Apparently some women are so distressed by the sight of a huge (relative to size of baby) needle being stuck in their baby’s…
Alcohol: Taunting Me With Its Presence
Currently lying on the sofa recovering from a very strenuous weekend. I stayed up until 1am on Friday (1am!), then had my baby shower yesterday and finally topped it all off with a breastfeeding class today. Luckily we didn’t have to get our boobs out at the latter (or the former, both of which would…