“Welcome to the World of Mothers,” said no one, ever. But yet I was a newcomer in the World of Mothers, and the other Mothers knew it. With tales of breastfeeding woes and terrible births, of reassuring smiles and messages in the dead of night to tell me I was doing OK, the World of…
Category: antenatal classes
When I Had Mummy Friends
This weekend Piglet and I went to the park. Basic, I know. Everyone goes to the park. I am basic. Don’t hate me. The park is both fascinating and terrifying in equal measure. Mainly terrifying. How much helicopter parenting is acceptable in the face of the overwhelming fear that one’s child will be attacked by…
Insomnia: I CAN’T GET NO SLEEP
Yes, in the words of Faithless, those great sages of 1996, I need to sleep I can’t get no sleep. The baby, meanwhile, is sleeping like, er, a baby. I’m not sure why people use that phrase, as “sleeping like a baby” clearly doesn’t mean lying in a crib suspended between two trees in a…
Horrible Itchy Disease
Woman in the last days of pregnancy is not a pretty sight. I, for example, have just thrown up the sole thing I have eaten today-a fried egg sandwich-and after three hours sleep it’s all I can do to move off the sofa in order to search the cupboards for stray crisps. That is, if…
So it turns out you can have such a thing as too much protein
Had an appointment with the midwife today. This was the first appointment I have had where things did not go entirely according to plan. I had, for a start, completely forgotten to do my urine sample, and had to try to squeeze it all out in the delightful conditions of the toilet in the GP’s…
Sudden Panic at Actual Realisation that I am about to become Really, Really Poor
AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!! This pretty much sums up how I felt when I saw how much (read: *little*) I am going to get in maternity pay. Seriously, it’s so bad I almost considered having Little One adopted. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? I am literally terrified. Why am I not married? WHY WHY WHY? OK, need…