Every blogger loves a blogging tips post. We absolutely lap it up, seizing on anything with the word “blog” in the title as we scroll through Twitter. And every blogger has written one. Not a day goes by without someone spouting forth their wisdom on what they’ve learned in two weeks of blogging. But sometimes, the tips get a little too, well…samey. If I’ve heard one, I’ve heard them all, and I definitely don’t need to hear from someone who’s been blogging two weeks and knows even less than I do (which I can assure you is remarkably little). So, here they are, my top five least favourite blogging “tips.” You’re welcome.
1. Just keep writing great content. The rest will come!
From this, I can only conclude that my content must be rubbish, because The Rest is not coming. It is not coming in droves. It is literally not running from the hills to be part of my miniscule online empire consisting only of me.
2. Don’t expect overnight success.
I do hope you’re not looking at me, O ye paragon of blogging greatness with your lofty tips, because I KNOW it takes more than five minutes. I’ve been spouting forth into the unknown wilds of the internet for nearly four years on this here blog, and I’m still waiting. That’ll be longer than you, then.
3. Comment on other blogs
Interesting one this. In an ideal world, we would comment on other blogs because we enjoy reading them. In the real world in which we unfortunately live, many of those comments are of the reciprocal variety. It’s a dog eat dog, you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours, sort of world. Altrusim is dead. Long live pragmatism!
4. Grow your social media
I’ve tried, I really have. My Twitter game isn’t bad. Not quite Kardashian level (there’s still time), but satisfactory. My Instagram is pleasing but forgettable. Who wants to see a picture of my commute to work? It’s a good one, I promise you, there’s a river and everything. Second highest tidal range in the world, apparently. Looks great in nashville (do I capitalise that? Or will people think I’m talking about the one in Tennessee? Ye-hah me country hearties!) and jefe, and even #nofilter, although the light’s a bit sketchy at 7am at this time of year. Facebook? Well, the less said about that one the better. I secretly always preferred MySpace anyway. Whatever happened to MySpace? Please don’t tell anyone I had a MySpace blog in 2007. The yoof of today already think I’m a long-dead fossil from the Pre-Cambrian with no Youtube channel.
5. Interact with other bloggers
I love you all, I really do. I have read many gushing posts about the friends that have been made through blogging, and I can categorically say that they are not the bare-faced lies I initially thought they must be. The blogging community is great, but it’s just that, a community. A group of like-minded individuals who for all their differences have the same shared goal of becoming the next slummy mummy sensation. It’s great to interact with other bloggers, and to read their posts, share their highs and lows and the minutiae of their lives; but what it isn’t is a shortcut to literary fame and fortune; so yes, by all means get involved with the community. It’s fun, it’s rewarding, and you will never be short of friends to drink real wine with in a virtual world as you confess your woes to someone in Essex down the fibre optic broadband at 11pm on a Friday night, but it won’t give you the million-pound book advance you most intensely desire. Sorry about that all, but just #tellingitlikeitis. Linkies ain’t gonna make me no money.
So there we have it, a truly edifying list for any blogging newbie, and another post from me that threatens to send my own blog spinning towards a catastrophic implosion as it crumbles under the weight of meta-blogging commentary that’s of no use to anyone but my dear friends in The Firm. The Blogging Firm. #Peace *performs serious-faced fist bump*
You all love it though. And so do I.