So, as Carrie Bradshaw would say, I got to thinking…..that now I am old I think a little differently to before. In fact, perhaps mentioning Carrie Bradshaw at all makes me old, since it is now eleven years since Sex and the City ended. So here goes…..
Now I am old……….
1.) I am flattered, rather than annoyed, when someone in an orange tiger onesie with whiskers painted on their face in eyeliner pen chats me up on a night out.
2.) I rarely ever have a night out in the first place.
3.) My idea of a first-rate Saturday night is watching Strictly Come Dancing with my mother.
4.) Strictly is way better than X Factor.
5.) Accidentally turning over to the X Factor final prompts comments like “what are these jokers doing? This is awful.”
6.) I find myself suddenly being a nice person and making magnanimous comments like, “well yes I know she has twelve children and is on benefits, but I’m not one to judge, and I’m sure she has a very difficult life.”
7.) I find myself wishing people behind me would just pull out any grey hairs they see, as I CAN’T REACH THEM DAMMIT!
8.) I start worrying about things like being “mutton dressed as lamb.”
9.) And wondering I should cut my hair before I start looking a bit witchy.
10.) Most conversations with people I don’t know very well include a reference to my age, usually accompanied by phrases like “you don’t look that old” and “I would never have guessed you were that old.”
I am going to start hanging out in old people’s homes. Surely age is relative, right?