How I Became a Real Blogger

So this weekend I attended my very first blogging conference.

I know! Like I was a real blogger and general all-round social media whizz kid, rather than a hopeless numpty who just spent 20 minutes of valuable Piglet sleepytime browsing the Internets searching for “ways to add social media buttons to WordPress blog header,” not understanding the various bits of technical information that appeared and giving the whole idea up for lost. I mean, how do other people do things like this?

Anyway, the blog conference was good, although it would have been better if I had not been literally ABOUT TO DIE of sleep deprivation after a nightmare journey from Bristol to London the night before, which had involved me leaving work, bumping into an ex-boyfriend from THE ACTUAL NINETIES on the train home, who proceeded to loudly regale his companion with tales of how I used to be a “ladette” back in the day, as though that was a real thing and not an anti-feminist made-up term used to refer to various members of the Spice Girls because they drank a pint of lager once or had the audacity to accidentally break wind in public. I then picked up Piglet and headed to the station, narrowly missed the London train and settled down to an hour’s wait, only to get on the train an hour later and realise five minutes before the train pulled out of the station that I had left the keys to my flat in London (where I was due to be staying) in my mother’s house in Bristol.

My mother was a superstar, immediately jumping in a taxi and delivering said keys, but Piglet and I now had to wait another hour and a half for the next train, which was due at 10pm.  Piglet actually wailed as my mother bid goodbye to us at the station, evidently wishing that he had a proper Mummy like his Granny instead of this hapless imbecile who insisted on wheeling him around a half-deserted railway station of a Friday night when all he really wanted was to be in bed like a proper baby with real parents and SOMEBODY CALL SOCIAL SERVICES NOW PLEASE WON’T YOU.

He soon recovered enough, however, to play his Official Favourite Game Ever, which consists of taking a random thing-in this case abandoned train tickets-and flinging them on the floor repeatedly, while the nearest adult-usually Mummy but in this case it was random train passengers-wearily picks up the fallen tickets, so that the almighty Piglet can fling them to the floor again.  And again.  And again.  And again.  I shall never again underestimate the forbearance of drunken train passengers with tedious baby-games.

After a refreshing night’s sleep (four hours.  God preserve us) we were up again at the crack of dawn to go to the blogging conference.  I was a bit worried that I would be cast out from the fold as I had not written a post for a few days, but fortunately nothing was mentioned.  That might be because no one reads this blog, especially not my mother who describes it as “wearing,” and not in the sense that one might wear clothes.

Naturally, this being a blogging conference, there were all sorts of things happening like photos being taken, brands being consulted and tweets being sent.  I did supremely well in all of these.

1.) Photos.  I took one!  Look!


2.) I spoke to the bloke from JCB.  And look, Piglet is inspecting a JCB.  I thank the Lord above that he is not old enough to speak yet, as I am pretty sure he would be saying “Me want JCB.  Me want JCB for Christmas.  Christmas now!  Now now NOW NOW!  Not this miniature replica.  Me want the REAL THING.  FULL SIZE PLEASE.”

3.) I forgot my phone charger.  Twitter probably didn’t even notice.  Thanks Twitter.

Still, I went to a conference.  I write a blog.  I am a real blogger.  Even if it is “wearing.”

Ethan & Evelyn

24 Comments Add yours

  1. Aw, bless you! There really are days when we question the sense of anyone thinking we are capable of looking after ourselves, never mind a little person too. We can only hope that those days are few and far between;-). x

    1. Min says:

      Absolutely! Thanks for reading. x

  2. Don’t you hate days like that when absolutely everything that can and does go wrong and your ladette comments did make me laugh. I am off to my first blog conference in a couple of weeks so I am rather excited about that 🙂

    1. Min says:

      Yay! Which conference is that? Have a good time.

  3. Brilliant! Well done for going to a conference, you’re certainly braver than me. I’ve been blogging for nearly four years and I’ve only just decided it’s time to attend one. I stumbled across your blog through the #justanotherlinky linky and love it! Thanks for sharing. xx

    1. Min says:

      Glad you like it. Thank you for reading and commenting! I might bump into you at that next blog conference….

  4. Love love love your style. The bit about the ‘proper mummy like his Granny’ and the imbecile comment. I’d forgotten how much I love the word imbecile! Your mum is definitely a superstar jumping in that cab but…we part company on the blog being wearing…

    1. Min says:

      She is definitely a star. I’m saving all her superstar moments up for an almighty blog post that will sing her praises and convert her to loving my blog instead of seeing it as a great bit moan-fest that is giving her a bad name in cyberspace! xx

  5. Suz says:

    Oh look at you!! Congrats on your first confrence!! Haha at seeing your ex boyfriend from the 90s!!!! hilarious!! Lovely read too! Suz x

    1. Min says:

      Oh God it was hideous (ex not conference). I was totally trying to go incognito and he shouted my name down the train carriage. I now live in mortal fear of catching that train. Which is a bit of a problem as it’s the one I get to work.

  6. Rachel says:

    Brilliant – I too did the same internet search about adding social network buttons to my blog! I am so rubbish at all the technical stuff. Stumbled across your blog on twitter,p. look forward to reading more.

    1. Min says:

      Thank you for reading and commenting 🙂

  7. beth says:

    Well done you for attending a conference! I don’t think I could. Although I am going to BritMums Live next year . I am bricking it!
    Thank you so much for linking up to #justanotherlinky

    1. Min says:

      No need to worry-it’ll be fine! No one asked me for my stats, SEO page rankings (is that even a thing?) or to take any vaguely professional photos, so I managed to stay on the down-low and no one even realised that I didn’t know how to add social sharing buttons.

  8. I have been nodding along with you as I read this. I think I spend more time on Google trying to work out how to do stuff than I do actually writing anything? Congratulations on your first blog conference :0)

    1. Min says:

      Me too! Is there some sort of crash course I can do? That won’t cost anything? Looks like I will have to become a self-taught computer expert, at least until Piglet is old enough to do all my IT work. Shouldn’t be too long. He’s already better at using Granny’s phone than she is.

  9. I love your blog!! And this is how I feel at times – great post. Things always seems to go wrong when you really don’t want them to. Thanks for linking up to #justanotherlinky xx

  10. LExi says:

    I’ve still not plucked up the nerve to go to a blogging event of any kind and I have been blogging for years! So go you! 🙂

    1. Min says:

      Thanks! I’ve now booked to go to another one. I’m on a roll! Hopefully see you there.

  11. Love it! Such a humorous piece. Believe or not, I am also a blogfest virgin. My first one will be the Mumsnet Blogfest in November. Are you coming too? Please do come and say Hi. I have to say you did very well at your first blogfest, especially with your little boy around. That’s so funny with the JCB story! Thanks for lining up with me. #FabFridayPost xx

    1. Min says:

      Thank you! Yes I am coming to Blogfest in November. Hopefully see you there!

  12. Joanna says:

    That part about wordpress made me giggle as I too have gone through the same ordeal. I loved you story. Hopefully I can join one of those conferences myself one day.

    1. Min says:

      I hope to see you there! Thanks for commenting.

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