And so I find myself confined to the bedroom in case of baby awakenings, sitting in bed in complete darkness with a glass of wine, while Piglet sleeps blissfully in the bed next to me. Well, complete darkness apart from the computer screen. Can the light from computer screens wreak havoc upon sleeping children, I wonder? This is my new Number One Fear, along with Piglet working out how to scale the stair gate, or walking into the path of an oncoming hot beverage (MORE ON THIS LATER).
Anyway, on an entirely different note, Granny has very kindly given up three of her working days to take on a new career late in life. A career as Piglet’s childminder, no less. The main reason that this is of interest is because she arrived home from her last day of full time work today, beaming from ear to ear. Not because she would now get to spend three days a week in Piglet’s charming company, but because she had received several presents from her now-former colleagues, including a huge bunch of flowers.
Now, regular readers of this blog will know that just the other day I was admonished for allowing Piglet a little bit of harmless water play in Granny’s kitchen.
Today was the day that the universe took its vengeance upon Granny for being smug in her belief that she is the best caregiver for little Piglet and I, his mother, am a useless n’er do well who not only drinks wine and shops in American Apparel (heinous crimes for a Holy Mother, in Granny’s humble opinion) but allows her son to play with a whole takeaway container full of water in the kitchen, thus endangering life and limb and possibly causing him to grow up to be a juvenile delinquent with no boundaries.
Unfortunately an innocent Piglet may have been caught up in the universe’s judgement upon Granny and suffered (very slightly, do not fear) as a result.*
As Granny arrived home from work and I retired to Twitter for the evening, secure in the knowledge that Piglet would be well looked after; that games would be played, stories would be read and NO YOU ABSOLUTELY CANNOT TOUCH THAT CUPBOARD would be assured, Granny was so excited to unwrap the new flowers that she failed to realise that they were already ensconced in a container of water.
Which spilled directly onto Piglet as he raced into the kitchen to greet her, knowing that this evening there would be no more Horrible Mummy to endure. Horrible Mummy who wouldn’t even lift him up to touch the lightbulb during dinner this evening even though a) he was in the middle of eating his dinner, b) the lightbulb was hot and c) Mummy is too short to reach the lightbulb anyway.
Luckily Piglet was unharmed and relatively unfazed by the sudden torrent of cold water that gushed down upon him, and after a quick change of clothes was happy to go and play some fun games with his Granny.
Who then spilled the remainder of a lukewarm cup of tea all over him, in his nice clean, dry sleepsuit.
Sorry Piglet. I apologise that you got a bit wet on no less than two occasions and are now in your third sleepsuit of the evening, but it just goes to show, no one is perfect when it comes to parenting. Which is unfortunate, as I had hoped I was.
*No children were harmed in the making of this blog post. He was fine, I promise. Social services do not need to be contacted.