First scan tomorrow and I am feeling completely calm and zen-like about this.
In other words I have spent the entire day sat in my flat googling the following search terms:
Period pains 12 weeks pregnant (need to know if this is normal)
12 weeks 6 days pregnant stomach flat (and is this normal?)
Chances of missed miscarriage at 12 week scan (it always pays to be prepared for the worst)
Chances of missed miscarriage after 12 weeks
Lower back pain in early pregnancy (surely this is a sign that things have gone awry?)
How do I know if my foetus is still alive
Strangely, none of this googling seems to be able to give me a definite answer to any of these pressing questions, and thus I have come to the conclusion that the internet should never have been invented, as it clearly serves no purpose beyond wasting one’s precious time which could have been better spent doing something important, like dancing around the room making myself feel sick or modelling different outfits around the house to see how non-existent my baby bump looks in each one.
Also, in my frantic googling, I have managed to read many scientific articles about the purpose of the nuchal scan, so now when I go to the hospital, not only will the myriad of different fears include the possibility that the baby is dead or never existed at all and is in fact a figment of my clearly over-active imagination, but that the baby has one of the many different “trisomies” or other horrific disabilities the scan is designed to reveal. What if, for example, I see the little thing on the screen, only to discover that it has a patch of fluid behind its neck, or lacks a nasal bone? Both strong indicators of Down’s syndrome, apparently, and as I am so old surely my risk is greatly increased? Why oh why did I not have children in my teens? WHY? Why didn’t I just settle down with the first reasonable person who was interested and start popping them out? Now I am doomed!
OK so when I look at some of the people I was interested in in my teens as they are now the thought of settling down with someone who was destined to become, twenty years later, an obese chav with an oddly shaped head and eyes that don’t appear to line up properly with each other might make that seem like the great juvenile folly that it would have been, but you get my point. And anyway, it’s hardly as if my babyfather is the catch of the century given that I have technically never met him and he may well be awful.
Oh God what if Babyfather IS an obese chav? I mean, it’s not like I would know. OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE???!!!
I can’t think about this whole situation anymore. My brain is about to explode. Need to be mindful. Mindfulness, mindfulness. Concentrate on the moment. Ooh I think Countryfile‘s on now. Going to watch that and not think about any of this awfulness.