Hypnobirthing a Giant Baby

I have just officially become a New Age Hippy Earth Mother Type. Well, perhaps not quite. I bought two books on hypnobirthing today, then decided I was going to get properly into it and try all the suggested “exercises,” unlike with the normal self-help, self-improvement tomes which I just read, nod head occasionally whilst maintaining…

Gender Stereotyping for the Uninitiated: i.e. Babies

Oops.  Ordered a sandwich with goat’s cheese in it today only to remember that goat’s cheese is not allowed in pregnancy. Admitting to previous incidents of this nature has resulted in open-mouthed abject horror from other pregnant friends and/or mothers. I am already a terrible mother. To make up for it, I decided to buy…

Oh God. It’s started already. I’ve just been caught boasting on Facebook

Phew. All appears to be well with Little ‘Un, at least according to the 20 week scan. Of course, now that I’m home I’m fretting again due to backache and lack of movement and am thinking maybe the scan machine killed it with hitherto undiscovered toxic rays. Not it.  He. Yes, it’s a boy apparently….

Eagerly anticipating the birth of the Messiah

20 week scan tomorrow. Obviously this is terrifying, and I will not go into the list of horrific ailments that could be detected at this point, all of which I have googled multiple times. Anyway, my bump is continuing to grow at a somewhat alarming rate, and now I even have backache (hopefully this is…

“But what would happen, Miss, if the baby had a small head and huge shoulders, and it got stuck?”

I think I can now confirm (sort of.  Almost.  I mean, I think this is what I’m feeling) that the Wee One is moving around in there.  Like, officially.  In fact, I’m pretty sure s/he just punched me three times in the last few seconds.  It is SO WEIRD! And now the cat is out…

First Foray into Topshop Maternity Ends in Disaster at Shocking Realisation that Big Clothes are Boring

Urgghhh. I have quite possibly the World’s Worst Cold. Literally, it is so bad that on Friday I even had to take a day off work.  With a cold.  It’s the sort of cold that one normally only gets on holiday, at some point towards the end, after ten whole days and nights of drinking…

It’s official, there are EVEN MORE things to worry about after birth.

Had an appointment with the obstetrician today. This was, of course, brilliant, as I got to leave work early to go to the hospital and then got home early enough to watch Escape to the Country.However, despite the fact that my actual appointment with the obstetrician lasted, as I had predicted, five minutes, and was…

****Breaking News*****

IT’S AAAAALLLLLLIIIIIIVVVVVVEEEEEE!!!!!! Well, it was at 8am this morning anyway.  Let’s hope that’s a promising sign for the future. Went to my scan today.  There was one awful moment when the sonographer put the probe on my belly that I thought everything had gone wrong, as the baby was lying completely still and flat on…

‘Twas the night before the scan and all through the house…..I am stressing out, googling like a hyperactive louse

First scan tomorrow and I am feeling completely calm and zen-like about this. In other words I have spent the entire day sat in my flat googling the following search terms:Period pains 12 weeks pregnant (need to know if this is normal)12 weeks 6 days pregnant stomach flat (and is this normal?)Chances of missed miscarriage…

Knackered. Knackered. Too knackered to do anything. At all.

Knackered.  And it’s not even 7pm.  And yet, if I were to go to bed, it would take me ages to get to sleep, and then I would keep waking up and running to the loo every five minutes.  Aargh.  Honestly do not think I can face going back to work tomorrow. I have, naturally,…